The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Ch. 20 The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Lita's POV

"Lita are you sure you're ok," Nicki asked. My vision was blurry and nothing would stay focused. Nicki must've noticed it by the way I was swaying. "I'm fine Nicki. I swear. I'm fine. I just...need to lie down," I lied. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know dad hit my head and back with a chair last night but it shouldn't be hurting like this. My legs are still sore from working with Alexi but I took an Advil. I should be fine.

"No you're not! Go to the nurse now," Nicki said. That's when I snapped. "Nicki I can't afford to miss a class," I exclaimed. The whole gym got quiet and stared at us. Why did we have to have this conversation at P.E.? Nicki grabbed my arm and said, "Lita I'm only doing this because I care. You need to go now." I jerked my arm out of her grasp and that really hurt my back. I fell down and clutched my side. Nicki bent down and tried to look at my side but I moved away. If she sees the bruises she'll want to get me some help.

I don't need help. I'm fine. I can deal with everything myself. No one else can get involved. It's all my fault. They'll want to help me and look me up. I'm the oly one who can help myself. I'm the only person I can trust. That's what I constantly repeat to myself. Everything's up to me. If something happens to me then what? What would really change if I wasn't here?

Finally Nicki raised up her hands in defeat. "Fine. If you won't let me look it's only gonna get worse," she said. I remained quiet and Nicole sighed. "What is everyone looking at? Can't a girl have a moment," Nicki demanded. Everyone started to look away. "Thanks Nicki," I said. "Don't thank me yet," she said. Nicki started to look around and motioned to Piper. "Nicki what are you doing," I asked. Nicki smiled at me and Piper was now standing in front of us.

"Lalita are you ok," Piper asked trying to help me up. I winced and he let go. "She needs to go home. I know you have a car so can you bring her there," Nicki asked. "No! I don't want to go home," I said louder than necissary. Piper did a double-take on me and Nicki looked at me concerned but I looked away. "Lalita are you sure? You're dad could probably help," Piper said. Yeah I'm sure my dad could help.

"I'm fine. I just need to lie down quietly. Can you help me to the girls' locker room," I asked quietly. They more I talk the more energy I feel is being sucked from me. "Can I even do that," Piper asked. I smiled and nodded yes. "Well if you're sure," Piper said and picked me up bridal styled. It hurt my legs a bit but I didn't tell him that. "Thanks," I whispered sincerly and he nodded. We started to walk to the locker room and I noticed that Nicole stayed behind. "So what hurts," Piper asked while setting me on three chairs. I stretched out and closed my eyes.

What hurts the most? The physical pain or the pain in knowing that my father doesn't love me? What about the pain that my mother left us for a happier life? It wasn't even like dad cheated on her. She was a whore and I'm her daughter. So what's my purpose? To be used by dad and be the outlet for his anger? It sure seems that way. When dad beats me, I think it relaxes him. It probably gives him a sense of power. The power to keep his so called 'family' in control.

"Lalita are you ok," Piper asked. He put a cold towel over my forehead and it made me feel a lot better. "How are you so good at this," I asked. "Not sure. I guess my dad and all the stories he tells," Piper said. "Well...how often is he gone," I asked. "He mostly trains other soldiers around the U.S. but now he's in Iraq." "Oh. I'm sorry. You must have a nice relationship with your dad," I said. "Yeah I am. He always tries his best to see me. I don't know if he's gonna make my graduation though," Piper said.

I looked up at Piper and could see all the admiration he has for his dad. I wonder ow I look when i talk about my dad. I probbly look emotionless to the naked eye. I wish I could have that kind of relationship with dad. I touched his arm and said, "He sounds like the dad who'll beg a cousin to record it for him." "Yeah that sounds like him." We stared into each others eyes for a while and Piper started to lean down. "Piper," I whispered and he asked, "Yeah?" I don't know if I should. What if he hurts me?