The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Ch. 5 The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

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I wore a hoodie jacket and the uniform pants today for school. I'm used to it by now. Believe me I can handle it. If I just do as he says and stop making careless mistakes my life would be easier. It would be better for him too. Last night he took the hot skillet I had on the stove and pushed it into my side. It still stings and it's blackish blue. I guess it'll be fine since I can walk. He used the spoon and hit me across the head a few times so I have a bit of a headache. He used the chopping knife and stabbed my leg but it's stopped bleeding. I can walk so I should be able to manage.

I don't like to miss school. It's my only way to escape. I need a scholarship so I have to keep my grades up the best I can. I walk into school and head for my locker. On days like this I try to be invisible. My teachers don't notice me at all because I don't draw attention to myself even when I want too. I have no boyfriend, no friends except for Nicole, play no sports, and don't go to any games. I'm like a ghost and sadly I prefer living like this. I'm almost too good at this masquerade. I go through classes blankly staring at the teacher replaying the events that happened last night.

*recap*

"Bitch! Where's my food," he asks. "It's on the stove," I reply timidly. I hear his heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. I take a deep breath and try to cook the dinner faster. Then his footsteps stop. "Bitch I said 1 hour! What the fuck where you doing down here," he screams and asks. I turn around to get a plate and say, "I'm fixing your dinner." I hurry up and scoop the food on the plate. It was spaghetti hamburger helper. The toast popped up and I put it on the plate. I put it on the table quickly and I ran to get something for him to drink. Luckily I already put his napkin, knife, and fork on the table. I got two beers out of the fridge for him and set them on the table. "Dinner is served," I said and turned my back to clean up. Big mistake.

*end of recap*

"Lalita!" Who's that? I look up frightened and see that it's the teacher calling. What does she want? "Yes Ma'am," I ask. The lady calms down. "I was asking you to explain this problem. Please come up to the board and solve it," she said. Why do the teachers always try and call on me? They know I don't really pay attention in class. When I'm doing the homework I figure the stuff out by myself or I ask someone at the diner to help. School is just a waste of time but sadly it's my only escape. "Yes Ma'am," I say and walk timidly to the board. She was teaching something new and I didn't understand it. I tried to solve it but when I tried to check my answer it was wrong. I looked at her and she held a blank expression so I tried again. "Look at her up there actually trying. You know she's dumber than she looks," some girl said. Then her friend said, "Geez I didn't think that was possible. Just look at her." Then the whole class started to laugh. I let out a sigh and tried one more time. It was still wrong so I just put the chalk down and walked back to my seat. I sat down and looked out of the window. "Ms. Catkin please see me after class," she said. The kids started to laugh again and I just tuned them out. What's a few laughs when I go through something that they can't even imagine. I face things that they wouldn't be able to handle when they are twice my age. It's all his fault. It is and I have to live with it. Or not...

Class was dismissed and I walked up towards her desk. "Pull up a desk Ms. Catkin," she said. Great...just what I needed, a long talk after a long night. I pulled up the desk and she studied me for a while. Did the bruise he left on my face redden? I'll need to put more cover up on. "Ms. Catkin why don't you pay attention in my class," she asked. When I'm not around my father I'm a totally different person. I have to be or else I would never survive. I'm not the typical abused person who grows weak. I've only grown stronger because of it and sadly him. "I do pay attention Ms," I said. I never bothered learning the teacher's names. They were just Ms. And Mr. She leaned in closer and said, "Obviously you don't based on what happened today in class. I just don't understand it. You make good grades on the homework and that's fine but your class work is terrible. You do ok on the review but the quizzes are terrible. Even your tests are lacking. Is something wrong at home?" Is something wrong at home? That's the understatement of the year! I started to laugh. I've rehearsed this speech so many times its perfect. It's as natural as Ms. America contestants saying "World Peace." I said, "Ms. I do better on the homework because it's not timed. Quizzes stress me and Test's put pressure on me. Is something seriously wrong with my grades?" When I was talking I looked at her in the eyes. I never loose contact with someone's pupils when I'm talking. The lady started to get nervous. Funny since I'm the one she was trying to intimidate.

"No nothing is serious but you could try harder," she said. I hate it when teachers say that so I said, "So you're saying I'm not trying." I've worked my ass off trying to keep my grades at a B level. Do you know how hard that is? I work, go to school, deal with teacher's crap, and go back to my house to deal with more crap. This is a shitty life but it's mine. All of those feelings were in my stare. The lady finally stood up. That took her long enough. "You know what Ms. Catkin," she asked. I looked at her quizzically and said, "No Ms. I don not know what." Then I stood up. This lady was new to the school and to the job. This is her first year teaching and she thinks she can intimidate me!? The nerve of this bitch! "First of all you need to fix your attitude. Secondly your grades are lacking. You barley get B's when I know you can get A's. Your father is a very nice man with a nice house and job and-" That's when I snapped and said, "You don't know anything about me or my father! You want me to fix my attitude?! No can do! I'll leave so that my attitude doesn't rain on your glorious, sun shinning, happy go lucky parade!" Then I walked out. I don't know if she called out to me and I really don't care. Who does she think she is with her nice body, blonde hair, and Daddy's money? I'm sorry that I don't fit into her world. I stormed to my locker and slammed it open.

"Geez are you having a bad day," someone asked. I was ready to unleash the flames of hell when I noticed it was Piper. He picked a shitty time to be here. "What do you want," I asked snappishly. "Woo hold your horses. I just came over to say hi. Are you ok?" "Yeah why wouldn't I be," I asked kind of bitchishly. "I'm not sure," he said then someone screamed heads up. Someone threw a football at Piper and he elbowed me in the side. I kneeled over gasping for air. Shit! I didn't know Father hurt me this bad!

*recap*

I turned around and my father jerked me to face the front. He brought his face close to me and snarled, "Don't you ever turn your back on me. Got that slut?" I nodded and he slapped me which caused me to fall on the floor. He ripped off my shirt and I laid there with my bra on, my school skirt, and tennis shoes. What is he going to do to me? "Get up slut," he screamed and I obeyed. He pulled me by my hair and raised me up from the air. Then he whispered in my ear, "Your mother sure was hot. It's a good thing she left me with you to burn." Then he took the pan and pressed it into my side. I screamed and he said, "That's right slut. Scream for me. Scream like the dirty whore you are. Don't worry though because this is just a taste of the things I'll do to you." Then he dropped me and started abusing me with the knife and spoon.

*end of recap*

"Oh my God Lalita! Are you ok!? I didn't think I hit you that hard," he said nervously while kneeling down besides me. I used his shoulder for support. "I-I'm fine," I said. "Are you sure? I could bring you to the nurse if that-" "NO," I screamed a bit too loud. I coughed and said, "No thank you. I'll be fine just help me up." He lifted me up gently. "Thank you," I said. He stared into my eyes. I couldn't stare into his because I was scared of what he might see. I don't have my barrier up now so it would be dangerous. "Ok...If you're sure your ok. I guess I'll see you around," he said. I nodded and walked away. Why the hell does this happen to me?