Church Buddies!!!1

Passage 5

"Life is a fucked up mess - life is a fucked up mess!" Joseph sang to himself, stood in the back of his ice cream truck with Johnny. Combaticus, the spaghetti sidekick, was in the drivers seat. "Stop here, Combaticus! I see some children down the road!" Joseph smiled as the screams of the ice cream van jingle blasted out into the street, signalling to the children that the ice cream van had arrived.

Once they had parked up, many children rushed over. "Ooh! Ooh! I want strawberry!" One little girl said, her mother by her side. "I want mint!" Her other little boy shouted. Johnny winked at Joseph, who opened two fresh packets of bibles. He picked up one pink bible and one green bible, matching the colour schemes of their ice creams. "Here! Two bibles, coming right up!" Joseph handed them over to Johnny, who was leaned out of the window. The woman had only just placed her money on the counter, and was disgusted with what she'd seen.

"Hey, I want my money back!" She shouted, her children inspecting the bibles. "Uh.. sorry, no refunds!" Joseph laughed. "Step on it, Combaticus!" Combaticus reached down using his carefully engineered pasta and pressed the pedal, speeding away. "Hah! We're gonna be rich! Check it out, we've made $100 dollars already! It's only our first day, too. I'm a genius." Joseph smirked, counting the money briefly before slamming it down onto the counter.

After a few minutes, the boys found themselves outside of Ultra Mega Church once more. "Hey, Combaticus! Why are we back here again? Surely we have like.. twelve more stops-" Joseph stopped himself, glaring out of the window. "Jesus.. what the hell is that?"

In front of him, sat a large, grand church. Not only was it opposite Ultra Mega Church on the street, but it was also the opposite to it in looks. It was modern and pretty, sporting rainbow flags on the front path. UMC, however, was dull and boring in looks.

"Woah.. what is that? Another church?!" Johnny asked in disgust, stepping out of the van, followed by Joseph. Outside of the church stood a man repeating "God loves all! God accepts all!" Like a broken record. "Dude.." Joseph watched as many of their previous customers at UMC walked past them. "Hey! Where are you all going?" He shouted to a few teenagers. "The Croistian Cherch! Duh! That's where all the cool kids go." One shrugged, turning back around and walking through the church doors. "Croistian Cherch? What business do they have here? We're clearly much better than them.. so.. why try?" Joseph asked himself, crossing his arms angrily.

Combaticus slowly slivered back into church, leaving Joseph and Johnny to stare into the Croistian Cherch in awe. The two boys then ran after Combaticus and back into the UMC. They had to find someone to ask what in God's name was happening. They couldn't stand to watch all of their valued customers disappear before their very eyes.

"Dad! Dad! What's happening?" Joseph asked as soon as they reached their church. Daniel and Smith were stood outside waving around fliers, attempting to convince people to come back to them. "Hey, we're better here! We don't accept people! God hates gays, right?! Wait.." Daniel paused for thought, sighing loudly. "Smith, this'll never work! They're leaving like all your girlfriends!" Daniel shouted in defeat.

"I have a wife, Daniel."

"Oh! Julia! Thank God! We're in deep, deep trouble, boys. You see that church over there?" Daniel pointed past them. "Uh.. kinda hard to miss it." Joseph scoffed. "Yeah, well, I need you both to get in there and see what the hell is so good about that damn church. Cause we're losing business and you know we can't afford that. Just gotta know what's so much better than our beautiful church."

Joseph and Johnny then agreed to come back at night and break in to the Croistian Cherch and find out once and for all what was so good about it.

That night, after spending a few hours with The Kid-Mafia, Joseph and Johnny prepared some masks as face protection, just incase they had security cameras. Creeping out of UMC silently, they made their way across the road.