Church Buddies!!!1

Passage 2

"You see, God was an awesome guy. Here, we see a perfectly illustrated portrait of God himself! This is what he really looked like!" Joseph held up a picture in black and white, as they did not have enough change to get it printed in colour. It was God, in all of his pure gloriousness.

Himself and Johnny were putting on a lecture for some 6 year old elementary schoolers. Johnny was acting as almost a bodyguard for Joseph, as his job was to keep away any atheists. The point of the presentation was to sell as many bibles as they could, and to brainwash as many children as they could. So far, they were succeeding.

"Oh my God, look at the new kids!" Three ten year olds came and sat down with the group, the ringleader staring up at Johnny. "Sup with your afro?" She asked, pointing to it. "Hey, we have bibles to sell, so shut up please, thanks." Joseph growled, hands on hips. "Wow, you're like an elf!" One of the others stood up and compared their heights.

"Do you work for Santa?" She asked excitedly. "All them midgets white at that fat cracker's workshop." He looked up in disgust, before shooing her away.

"Look.. as I was saying.. You should all read the bible. It says.. don't do drugs, and don't get sexually aroused when wiping your ass-"

The ringleader put up her hand. As much as Joseph tried to ignore her, he eventually gave in. "What do you want?" He asked angrily. "Uh.. well I was just gonna say.. God clearly isn't real. Haven't you ever done science? I guess they don't do intricate science with little kids your age." She flipped her hair. Suddenly, Johnny rose to his feet and glared over at her. "Get out."

"Eww, what even is your hair? Get some conditioner, stick that mop down. It looks dreadful, dear." She tutted as her friends watched. Johnny ran forward, his afro flowing in the wind as he punched her. Gasps echoed around the circle the children had formed as Johnny continually punched her in the face until he was sure she was a believer.

Once many dark, purple bruises had formed on her face, Joseph was finally able to lift Johnny off of the girl. "Johnny! That kills people!" Joseph smacked him in the back of the head lightly, looking down at the girl. "She's unconscious." He stated. Upon looking up, he saw the little budding-Christian children staring straight at him, the girl's two friends staring down in horror.

She wasn't bleeding heavily, only lightly out of her nose. However, her face was bruised like a peach. It was almost impossible to recognise her. "Maybe she can see the light. She'll know God is real after this. He's probably talking with her right now!" Johnny glared over to Joseph happily, sitting at the feet of the girl.

"Oh goodness! What on earth happened here?" An old man walked out of the school building, marching over to the two pure boys. "Rogi!" The small children yelled, running to hide behind him. "You two don't even go to this school! Who on earth are you two?" The man asked in an eery tone.

"We're uh.. two Christian boys from the church in town! You know.. Ultra Mega Church?" Joseph replied nervously, preparing himself to run away. "Ah.. I'm familiar.. wait.. how old are you? You don't look like a child." He asked Joseph, winking. "I'm 15.." He answered quickly.

"Ahh.. right.. anyway, you two, get out! You aren't welcome here! Take your bibles, and go away! Don't ever come near me or my children again." Rogi proudly stood in front of the children as if he was a God himself, watching over them. As Joseph helped Johnny up and Rogi took the children inside, he mouthed 'call me' to Joseph, making him eternally confused.

"Ew.. what was that old dude's problem? He seemed fascinated with my height.." Joseph shivered, shaking his head. "Well.. aren't you gonna say anything?" He asked Johnny, sternly, his arms crossed. He stared down Johnny in silence. Eventually, he sighed, punching his arm lightly. "Well done, asshole. You got us kicked out all because some girl said God wasn't real. Sure, she was wrong, but you didn't need to beat her like that!"