Church Buddies!!!1

Passage 8

Johnny was sat outside of church on a Friday morning. The crisp, morning breeze swept his afro from side to side as he played around on his phone. He hummed to himself and bobbed his head back and forth to the tune of 'Succ off Jesus's debut song. "That's cause Jesus Christ is my nibba!" He shouted, knowing fully well that no one could hear him as he placed down his phone and began tapping his thighs to the beat of the drums.

Suddenly, he was hit rather dramatically with a scent. A scent like no other.

The scent of an atheist.

He began wheezing, almost choking on the foul stench of unholy air. Upon looking up, he saw a boy around his age carrying a suitcase down the street. "You what?" Johnny asked himself, standing and walking to the end of the path. "Lee! Lee? You should be getting to school now!"

Johnny looked on in horror when he realised that the boy must be going to his school, as it was starting soon. "Have fun on your first day, sweetie!" His mother kissed him on the forehead before he rolled his eyes and pulled out his new, expensive phone. "Whatever, talk to the Rolex watch, bitch." He held up his wrist and flexed on his mother. "I love you!" His naive mother continued.

"Shut up! You know how much I hate girls. Men are hot." He stood for a second in awe. After a while, he shook himself out of the trance and walked off to school. Johnny slowly followed him quietly, keeping track of every move he made.

By the time they reached the school, Lee had stopped to look at his magazines of men in boxers about five times. He had also asked four girls for nudes over text, and taken a few of his own. "I'm gonna tell all my friends about this. They'll be so proud." He had whispered to himself.

Johnny was disgusted, shocked and appalled by the time they reached the school gate. He'd seen some things up until now. A 12 year old boy's dick had not been one of them, until this very moment.

"Now, now, class, let's all open our books to page 4." Johnny's maths teacher ordered, the class following her orders. Johnny sat in the back corner of the class which automatically meant he could see practically everyone in the room. He kept a keen eye on Lee until he stood up in the middle of class.

"Miss, I must let you know about how cool and popular I am. I'll also tell you about my favourite show if you're lucky. I'm also going to just shout random phrases in the middle of class in hopes of impressing people. You're welcome." The ladies swooned at the sight of Lee and some even fainted. It was like George Bush and Combaticus all over again.

"Oh! Also, I'll make sure you understand my opinion on everything and maybe even one day I'll tell my friends that you're cute or something and get you recognition. I also tend to lead on anyone I've ever showed an interest in and I'm secretly super insecure, so please be nice to me and don't blame me for abuse even when I do abuse you. Thanks."

The class applauded as he flexed his watch once more and posed in various positions, pouting and sticking out his back to make his ass look bigger. "Beautiful bae!" One girl chanted. "Yes Lee!" Shouted another. The class was in tears. Boys and girls alike were completely in shock with the pure beauty of Lee Dickson. As the others were all caught up, Johnny sat wide-mouthed. He'd never seen anything like this before. Was he a devil sent up to test humanity by God?

Lee Dickson eventually sat back down and began his random spree of shouting phrases. Occasionally, he would shout things like 'Hah, meme!', 'Oh well, fuck it!' Or 'Pussy!' Which for some reason made the class shake in pure humour. For a while, Lee sat unbelievably quietly, safe for the sound of him tapping his pens on his singular desk.

Suddenly, he turned to the girl who sat next to him. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" He repeated to the girl, who was mid nosebleed from his fabulousness. "Guess what?" He asked, making her want to just faint there and then. "What?" She forced out, her voice shuddering. "My dad's an author! We're from a lil place called Copeland. Here, take a business card." He handed her a card before turning away.