I spy // Phan

28

Numb

That's what Dan feels.

Numb, lifeless, any other word to describe the feeling of not feeling.

The events of last night race through his head, did he over react, should he have just let Phil explain?

No, no he couldn't, He was told he had nothing, nothing here to live for, no reason to stay.

He's sure he has something, a distant cousin, an old friend, No, He hasn't got any friends here anymore, He might not even have a boyfriend here anymore.

He breaks, sliding down their bedroom wall, broken sobs falling from his mouth, unwanted tears littering his face, why? Why him?

Why did he have to get the abusive father, the suicidal mother, the boyfriend who wants him to throw everything thing away for him? Why?

Is this a sort of punishment? Is he that much of a terrible person that the world wants to punish him?

His chain of thought Is interrupted by the sound of his phone, the ringtone something stupid from when phil changed it one night when Dan fell asleep on his chest.

He picks up the device with shaky hands, answering it and putting it to his ear.

"H-Hello?", He says it more as a question, his speech is interrupted by a quiet sob.

"Dan, it's Martyn, don't put  the phone down, just listen to Me okay?"

Dan nods, shaking his head realising Martyn Cant see him,"Oka-okay"

"Phil is so upset over here, He won't get out of bed, He hasn't eaten anything, I've tried everything, He told me what happened and he feels so guilty, he's sorry, he's so sorry, I dont know what to do"

"I-I can't go to Australia, I can't, I-I have to stay here for-for...", He takes a moment to let new tears slip down his cheeks, He shakes his head roughly, "I have nothing", He whispers.

"You have Phil", Martyn says gently, "and you have me, my girlfriend, you have us all, will you forgive him?"

"I-I....I dont know how to"

"Come over, yeah?"

"Okay"

~~~

Dan arrives, wrapped in a thin black coat, his hair even curlier than usual due to his tear stained hands running through it.

Dan knocks on the door, it opens before he knocks the second time, leaving his hand mid air.

A red haired woman answers the, smiling, her teeth pure white, "You must be Dan?", She says gently, Dan nods, "Come in", She smiles, gesturing him inside with her hand.

"Oh, Hi Dan", Martyn says, smiling.

Why is everyone smiling, Dan thinks to himself, why can they smile but I can't?!

He shakes his head, Knowing he's being stupid, He forces a smile, "Hi", His throat hurts from crying all morning and he winces slightly.

"You okay, Dan?", Martyn asks.

"Yeah, I've just got a bit of a sore- sore throat"

Martyn gives him a knowing look.

"Er, this is my girlfriend, Cornelia", He says, referring to the red-haired woman beside him.

"H-Hi"

"Phil is upstairs, you might want to go and see him"