Why am I awake when half of the people are fast asleep? I wonder why I keep on waking up exactly at 3? Is there something magical will happen if I ever took the time to open my eyes and think of various things? Making me awake til the mornings. We all have struggles in life. Like mine which maybe, just an easy task to y'all reading this. It may be easy for you but how about to people like me? How would you know if you haven't experience this?
Every morning I wake up with such heavy feeling. It's so heavy that sometimes I don't want to get up. I feel so tired like I have been running for a mile but the truth is, I'm just on my bed, hoping to get some enough rest time. It's not easy. And verbal attacks won't make a difference. Saying "you're so lazy! Get up your fatty ass out of your bed, you useless freak!". It doesn't help. We're not lazy. We're not useless either. It is just, we just need a lil more time than the ones and maybe, than to you. We have to prepare ourselves for our everyday battles against depression, anxiety, stress and various conditions that you wouldn't think someone can have. We are humans. But it's just, we vary in some ways.
We always do our best in everything. We make sure that we won't hurt anyone. We make sure no one notice our frailing glass like mind. We patch it up with cheerfulness and sometimes with a smile. We are much more sensitive than others. We understand very well that we are different being than you. We understand everything but we don't have the courage to move forward. To make an action. Coz we are scared that we might fail. We're scared of failures. We maybe perfectionist but, we just want the best and nothing like fails. We hate being blame coz we already had too much being false mistaken. We always have been the one to catch the rolling stones. We always been the sacrificial human for the sake of everyone. We always been the one to blame just because we don't fit in that much But~
Let me tell you something. We are not stupid to tolerate such thing. We may have tons of patience but it doesn't lasts for eternity. It has it's limits as well. And when we do reach it, we'll go away and disappear like we don't met. We are forgiving and we tolerate even the baddest thing. But don't let us be filled, coz that will end everything.
We are not shut in neets. You gave us names you don't even completely know the meaning. We are anti social you said but we like being around people. We just don't have the act to take the first approach. We are introverted. Yes. There's just a certain time that we want to be around with you guys and times where we drained and have a me time.
We have panic attacks whenever we are in a huge bunch of a crowd in a certain spacious room. But for us, it's too suffocating being in one room with lots of people. It is not we are disgust or annoyed. We are not that use to that kind of situation. We feel sick, kinda dizzy and sometimes we throw up. But it doesn't give you the rights to make fun of us. It's not easy even to go out of our house and took a bus. It is not easy to go alone without a certain someone with you when you go out. It's not easy to speak and have a conversation coz we might say something annoying and ending up for you to avoid us. It's not easy that's why please help us. Instead of making fun of us, why don't you reach out your hand and give us a smile. It's not hard to motivate someone in need don't it?
