Shattered Beauty of a Monster (Jeff the killer fanfic)

Feelings

Jeff's P.O.V

After I beat the hell out of Jack for spying, I took lex out on a walk. I had my hood over my head as we walked through the woods because she was leaning on me and I didn't want her to catch me blushing. I felt like she knew though. She knows me so well. Its comforting but scary.

"So," She said

"So what?"

"You kissed me."

I looked at the ground. Watching my feet go one after another.

"I did didn't I."

"So...what did it mean."

"Didn't have to mean anything."

Oh wait. That made me sound like a dick. She stopped walking and pulled herself off of me. Dammit.

"I...didn't mean it like that." I have a problem with feelings okay.

"Yeah."

"Lexi."

She kinda just glared at me.

"What."

"You're really cute when you look mad." I smirked at her.

"THEN IM ABOUT TO GET REALLY DAMN ADORABLE"

God bless this girl. I smiled at her.

"Course it meant something to me. You mean something to me....a lot to me."

"Funny way of showing it."

"I'm bad with feelings."

Her look kinda softened and she was just looking at me now. Then she was smiling a bit. She walked over to me and slapped me. Hard.

"OUCH WHAT THE HELL"

"I promised to slap you one day. And it was the perfect time to."

She kissed my cheek and giggled. You can't stay mad at her long.

"Question." I've never done this so. Bare with me.

"Mhm?"

"So like. Do you maybe wanna. I don't know."

"Yeah?"

"......Never mind."

"Oh."

Ugh. She kept looking up at me. She looked like an angel. She knew what I wanted to say. She knew exactly what I wanted to say. So she kept her gaze and I kept mine.

"Hey lex."

"Yes Jeff"

"Do you wanna be my girlfriend."

She smiled really widely. And I couldn't help but smile back. No one has ever given me butterflies before. Isabelle kinda just. Liked me cuz I was good in bed. But no. Lex likes me for me.

"Course Jeff."

"Rad."

Lexi's P.O.V

Jeff has been nothing but adorable the entire walk. He keeps blushing and playing with his knife in between his fingers.....it's adorable to me okay?

We were sitting in a tree, just swinging our legs. Enjoying the beauty of the woods. I don't miss home anymore. This seems to be my home now.

"Oh hey look a rabbit" His voice breaking the comfortable silence

"Oh yeah it's cute"

"Like in your dream"

"You remember that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

The memory of him shaking me awake that morning brought a smile to my face. The bunny was hoping around. Happy as could be. It was fuzzy and white. Not a care in the world. I have to admit it was an adorable ra-OH MY GOD HE JUST THREW HIS KNIFE AT IT.

"JEFF WHAT"

"Oh nice right on the head!" He said sounding so proud.

"WHY'D YOU KILL IT?"

"Felt like it."

"JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT DOESNT MAKE IT OKAY."

"Whats your deal."

"WHY DO YOU KILL ANYWAY. THERE'S NO REASON OR PURPOSE TO JUST KILL THINGS THAT HAVE DONE NOTHING TO YOU JEFF."

I didn't mean to yell. It just happened. He was just glaring at me. That shine in his eyes gone. Whatever nerve I hit, I didn't mean to.

"Wanna know why I kill lexi. Do you really wanna fucking know."

I didn't reply. Just looked at him hoping he sees that I'm sorry. He slides up his hoody sleeves and I gasped at the deep scars I saw covering his arms. My heart shattered at the sight of them.

"When slendermen found me, I didn't have much of a choice but to join his little clan because as you can imagine, I despised him. We got into this huge fight almost killing us both. But he's a self healer. I'm not. So. As I was bleeding out, He did...I don't know, something. Long story short, made me immortal."

He slid his sleeves back down and turned his head away from me.

"I...can't. Live with myself. I hate everything I am. Everything I do. Every aspect of myself. I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to make a bullet my last meal."

"Jeff....I-" He interrupted.

"I've tried to kill myself too many times to count. Tried everything in the book. And things outside the book. I just end up waking up again. Nothing works."

I scoot closer to him and hold his hand and he turns his head towards me.

"I envy humans. They can easily die. So fragile. How they have the option to end or keep their lives. I see myself in them. And as you've learned. I hate myself. I imagine their blood is mine. Their cuts are mine. Their screams are mine. Gives me the satisfaction as to if I'm ridding the world of.....me. I kill humans because it's the closest thing to killing myself."

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LONG CHAPTER BECAUSE I LOVE YOU