Butterfly [MIN YOONGI]

Chapter 19 - Trying

Situation in this previous hospital room,who before still have some cracky jokes or sad smile from Hoseok,was now full in silence.Everyone was just too speechless to said anything.Nobody know how to say.Nobody know who to comfort.Nobody know who is in the wrong.What each of them know is,everything that is happening to Yoongi,is their faults.How they think,maybe,maybe things will be so much better,if either one of them,care to fight the tall fences Yoongi built in his life between him and everyone.If anyone,just somebody,care enough to break them,maybe Yoongi won't look like in front of them now,laying lifelessly with wiring all around him,receiving his first ever chemotherapy after reaching stage 3 of his Leukemia.

The doctor gave them hope,yeah maybe he will survive.Maybe he will wake up and said to them 'Hey!I'm fine now.I am over this cancer!' with his gummy and sweet smiley eyes.Just like always he always comfort everyone to not worry about him,not at all.Nayeon,was just laying on Jungkook shoulder,not even sleeping,just staring blankly to the wall,thinking,maybe if she come here,just a bit earlier,or maybe he just run after Yoongi the day he left their friendship just like that,maybe Yoongi won't get this bad.

"It's all my faults...I should had run after him that day..God I'm so fucking stupid." Nayeon said as she sighed out heavily regretting everything.

"Maybe,if all of us,just pay more attention to him,maybe he won't get this bad." Namjoon said disappointed himself not realizing it earlier when he is their leader.

"Yoongi?Yoongi are you awake?" Jin suddenly break the silence again with his hoarse voices since he didn't really stop crying,blaming himself for failing to take care one of his little brother properly.Everyone move closer to the bed as soon as they saw Yoongi hand shaking and his body moving around.

"My God..What happen..I feel so sick..." Yoongi said his first sentence as he feel totally like a shit right now.His whole body hurt.His eyes are burning up.His wrist are numb as cold snow.Everything doesn't seem right.

"Nayeon?Yeoonie...what..what are you doing here..." Yoongi ask shocked as he saw his friend that he thought already hate him.

"Stupid...Yoongi you stupid!" Nayeon shout as tears fell down on her face again as she quickly hug Yoongi that was laying on the bed,hugging him as tight as she could.Grateful to God,for giving her chance,to still hear her silly bestfriend voices.

"Gosh..why are you so sad...Did the boys bullied you?" Yoongi ask trying to crack a smile being all protective over the lonely girl but laying expressionless for few hours make his face hurt to even smile.

"Why did you lie to me?Why didn't you tell them about it?You told me you did...You lied.You skip everything." Nayeon ask as she pulled away from the hug looking at Yoongi that was now becoming uneasy as he feel everyone already know about his disease.Crap,he is not ready.Nu uh,not yet.He can't face them yet.

"Nayeon..please not now.." Yoongi said as he try to distract away from any eyes but frustrated as all the members seek his eye contact with them.

"We know everything already now.So stop running." Jin said and Yoongi couldn't look even paler than he ever was.Oh crap,he is done.

"Don't make..let's not make it..a big..deal kay?I'm..fine.." Yoongi said nervous but then suddenly Jungkook hit the table hard with his fist shocking everyone up especially Jin.

"Enough with that I am fine bullshit hyung!!!I swear I'm gonna punch you so hard if you are not sick so you can understand how much everyone was so fucking worried and loved you!So stop saying you are fine when you are not!Enough!You are telling me having a leukemia at stage 3 and you refusing to receive the treatment at all and your saying you are fine?!" Jungkook yelled as tears fall like rain.Yoongi just look at him,feeling extremely bad.He just don't want to make everyone worried.He thought he can handle it.

"Say something!" Jungkook shout looking at Yoongi.

"Say something!Please tell us!Tell me that you are not going to leave me!Please promise me you won't..leave me..no matter..what!" Jungkook said hoping Yoongi can give him small hope,that he is gonna get better for them,but instead,Yoongi just sadly look at Jungkook as his mouth said "I'm really sorry...I'm so sorry..." making Jungkook cry harder and run out from the room.

"Jungkook!" Hoseok call as he run after the younger.

"Maknae!Stop!" Namjoon shout running after Hoseok and Jungkook.

"Yah!Jeon Jungkook!" Taehyung shout panic as he run after him too leaving the room in silences as their thoughts now speak louder than their mouths.

"We are just dissapointed you never tell us about this.Do you really didn't trust us that much to let we help you Yoongi hyung..?" Jimin ask as he look at his brother that seems lost.

"I know,I know it will put everyone in so much pain.I can't stand the sight of people I loved,worrying about me.Enough for messing up Nayeon life because of this.I don't want it to ruin anyone anymore.I just want to keep everyone away from the pain.I'm so sorry...." Yoongi said as Nayeon,Jin and Jimin hug him.

He experience more pain that any of them could ever imagine,yet he still trying to endure it all alone,just for the sake for no one having to worry for him.

"I know I won't survived hyung..." Yoongi said and Jin just cut him off.

"Don't..please don't say that..You will survived..you have to Yoongi..for us..for Nayeon..we all..need you here." Jin said as he caress Yoongi hair and kiss his forehead.

'I was trying to kill myself,so none of you will know about this.But you just won't let me do it.You all want to put your own self in this pain that you don't even deserve.Doesn't that mean you are destroying yourself too mentally hyung?' Yoongi thoughts.

"The fact is that..I won't survived.." Yoongi said,slightly happy at the fact he can go back to his deep sleep,and this time forever.He won't be burdening everyone anymore.

"Yoonie..please don't say like that..Who is going to protect me if you are not here..You can't..please don't leave me..." Nayeon cry as she try to seek understand from her bestfriend that she couldn't do it without him.Yoongi just smile sadly at her then he slowly mess with her hair lightly,letting the other look at him,with broken eyes.

"All of them will be here to protect you like I am.They will take care of you.They will accompany you on your wedding day,they will make the best out of those beautiful moments with you Yeonnie...." Yoongi said and Nayeon lost her focus on Yoongi anymore.Shit,he is more broken and the way he said those words,stabbed her heart deeply.

Those words,sound to fucking heavy.As if he really mean them,but he sadly disappointed in himself,for not being able to be there for her.

"You promised to take care of me.But,now you are leaving me.I'm not afraid that my saviour was going to leave.I am afraid my sources of hopes and strength are leaving.I don't need you here to protect me.I need you here to enjoy this life together with me and make it beautiful." - Nayeon

~TO BE CONTINUE~
💮Author notes : I somehow wish to have dying disease.It just interesting to see how everyone will react after what had they done to damage me badly.Haha.I'm a drama queen I know.But hey,I love you got that?💮