Butterfly [MIN YOONGI]

Chapter 12 - Addicted

Everyone was finally back to their dorm after nearly half month,spending less their time in here and more in hospital to accompany Yoongi.Hoseok was helping Yoongi with his belonging along with Jimin and Jungkook that stay at the hospital for few days.As Yoongi walk in his room,all the memories,the memories of the day when he nearly successful to take his own life,before his friends save him,destroying his possibilities of already happy now.

'I shouldn't think of them like that.Shit I'm ungrateful shit.' Yoongi cursed himself.

"Yoongi..Hyung is staying with you for quite while ok?I wanna make sure you take care of yourself more properly so you can recover fast!" Jin said as he smile widely,but Yoongi can just afford to smile,oh no,fake a smile like how he need to get used to.

'How I wish I can recover from this hyung..But I don't think I will,soon enough,I'm taking my own path again.I ain't want to fake my smile for years.'

"Hyung..I wanna sleep.." Yoongi said as he lay his body on the bed,showing his back against Jin.

"Yoongi..how about dinner?" Jin ask and seriously Yoongi sighed frustrated deeply in his mind.

'Going home now,I'll need to fake I can eat,when I actually don't deserve the fucking food.Just how many fat all this people want me to have,I had enough of the throat burn trying to purge everything out at the hospital after the doctor check me up.'

"I had already eat at the hospital before went home." Yoongi said,half true because he ended up vomitting everything back after everyone left to meet the doctor.

"Yoongi...It's lunch..now already like dinner..." Jin said not giving up.

"Hyung.I'm tired." Three words,two sentences and Jin started to think back about what the doctor told them.

"Min Yoongi also suffering with eating disorder.He will have hard times eating meals,so please don't push him too much on eating.A bites just so much for him.Please don't forced him or else his depression might start to kick in as well as his anxiety disorder."

"Don't think too much hyung." Jin was drag back to reality as Yoongi voices echo in the room.

"I know you are worried about my eating habits..but just..don't worry.I'll get through this,I promise." Yoongi said as he turn to Jin side and smile,assuring the older.Jin,just can sighed and smile sadly at Yoongi words.He know,Yoongi was trying to relay his mind,that he can't do it,to just eat all the food.

"Rest well Yoongi..I will serve the kids for a while." Jin said as he pat Yoongi head lovely before walking out leaving Yoongi alone that turn to face the ceiling above him.

Not good enough,not smart enough,not skinny enough,not important enough,permanently useless,what are you even doing faggot?

"Shit..shit leave me alone..just for a while..I need to make them believe I'm fine..please just leave me alone.."

You always do the same shit.last time,last feel,last call,last trip,last run,in the end you are coward enough to do it didn't you?

"Fuck it!Leave me alone!"

What?You think they are doing all this because they care about you?You are clearly stupid and attention seeker!Can't you see how much you are burdening them?You make them suffer for two weeks because you failed your suicide attempt.

"Please...please go away.." Yoongi said as tears run through his eyes staining his white cheeks as he covered his ears

They handle with all the fans alone,handling all the fans and cursing from the management alone.Can't you see how much a burden you are?

'Shit.Shit.Shit.I need to cut..I need to cut..ugh..shit..oh my god!'

Jungkook walk inside the room to see Yoongi closing his eyes tight as his hand covered his ears,bending his body in a ball,trying to avoid a noise that doesn't seems exist to Jungkook.Thinking nothing but panic,Jungkook run toward the bed,climb it fast then quickly open wide his arms and hug Yoongi and that skin ship shocked Yoongi making him push Jungkook away harshly when he didn't mean to.He just,shocked and terrified.Jungkook look at Yoongi as he was staring at him with uneven breathe as if he was just back from hell.

"Get out!" Yoongi shout suddenly shocking the younger.

"I said get out leave me alone!" Yoongi shout as his breathe start to escalate faster and the world was spinning.

You had hurt him.All he ever did was to help you.You are useless.

Everyone run into the room panic as they heard Yoongi shouts.

"Maknae what happen?" Taehyung ask as he help the younger that seems sobbing his tears out silently.Ignoring everyone,Jungkook left the room and run to his shared room with Namjoon and close the door.

"I'll check on Jungkook." Jimin said before he run and chase the younger as Jin and the others was trying to calm Yoongi down.

"Yoongi?" Jin called him softly trying to get closed to him as he was sitting on the floor at the edge of the room,hugging his knees crying.

"I'm so..sorry..I'm sorry..I didn't mean to..to hurt him..I'm sorry.." Yoongi said reading the sentences like mantra.

"It's ok..It's ok..Maknae will be fine..It's not your faults.." Namjoon said offering his hand as he smile.

And by times,I start to feel it's all not fair.You can't hurt someone,just because you are in pain yourself.Suddenly,I start to develop hates toward Min Yoongi,not realizing he was also a victim to this cycle. - Kim Taehyung

~TO BE CONTINUE~
💮Authornotes : My thought were destroying me,so I tried not to think.But the silences was a killer too.Do you guys have bunch of voices in your head that always keep you in track to not mess anything up?Cause I have,lots.And at the end,I ended up crying and shaking because they are too much of voices and I don't even know which one to follow.Lol me.But I still love you.Is that okay? 💮