Have Hope

Welcome Baby (edited)

Andrew and I dated for more than five years.

Ever since I met him, I have imagined marrying him, having kids with him, growing old with him. I genuinely never imagined a life without him. I never thought I'd have to.

Now it has been eight months since we broke up, and eight months since I have seen or heard from him. His parents tell me he's alive and well. But it's not enough. I still miss him.

But for the first time in a while, Andrew is wiped completely out of my mind when I realize I did not pee myself. My water just broke.

Shit.

"Brennan!" I yell through the apartment from my bedroom. I don't even actually know if he's home.

"Bren –" I get ready to yell again while I start drafting a plan on what to do if he's not here. Luckily, though, Brennan rushes in with wet hair while he pulls a white long-sleeve over his head.

"What? Are you okay?"

"I – I –" I stutter as I shift uncomfortably on my bed. This is slightly humiliating. No matter how close I am with my brother, it's a little embarrassing to have him take care of me in this situation. "My water broke."

His eyebrows shoot up in the air and starts looking around the room in panic.

"Bren," I sigh, scooting off the bed. "Grab the bag." I motion to the hospital bag next to the crib that I prepped a few weeks ago. He grabs the bag, then my Crocs – easy slip-on shoes. They have been my lifeline since I was six months along.

Brennan helps me into his car, which I'm grateful is a low-to-the-ground Malibu that I can easily slide into. While he tosses the bag in the backseat, I buckle myself in.

"Are you ready for this, sis?"

To become a mom? I don't think I have much of a choice.

I don't reply, so Brennan says, "Let's get this show on the road."

My brother doesn't try and talk to me during the ride; he just sends concerned glances in my general direction. He can probably tell how desperately I am fighting off my tears.

I'm about to become a mom to mine and Andrew's little girl. And he won't even be here to see it. He doesn't even know that I'm about to have our baby.

He doesn't know anything about me anymore, and I know nothing about him. And I want to hate him. So bad. But I can't.

And then I can't fight the tears anymore.

"Does it hurt?" Brennan asks. I shake my head. Realization seems to dawn on him. His eyes harden, and I can see his grip on the steering wheel tighten.

Brennan liked Andrew. Hell, Brennan loved Andrew. They were practically best friends. He was just as shocked as everyone else was to hear that he left. But, unlike me, he wasn't sad. He was angry. Pissed, actually.

"He's not going to know anything about her," I mumble. "She's going to grow up without a dad."

"He made that decision for himself, Helaina," he says, his tone hard. "It's his fault and his loss."

"I know," I sigh. "But... I just feel like he deserves to know his daughter was born."

I don't have to look at him to know he doesn't agree. "How about this," he offers, "I'll take a picture of you and your daughter, and I'll send it to him. What he does with that is in his hands." He puts a heavy emphasis on 'your' because he and everyone else hates when I call my baby Andrew's baby, too.