Have Hope

Why He Left

"I'm an alcoholic, Helaina."

The sentence refused to process through my mind.

Andrew Matters, my Drew, is an alcoholic.

"H-how?" I stuttered, stupidly. My eyes fell from his his, onto the sobriety coin once again. It was silver with a 2 engraved in it with months engraved underneath the 2.

Andrew picked up the coin, running it between his fingers. "I was 13 when I had my first drink. You know I was quite the troublemaker back in Hanes and the alcohol was a part of the trouble. That's why my parents moved us to Saint Shield - in hopes to set me back on track, but I was mad at them and the world. I started drinking as a retaliation instead of drinking for fun."

That was freshman year. We were only strangers then. The only connection I had with him was in biology class.

"Then, I met you and I finally saw a point in life. I stopped drinking as much, only for fun every so often. All was well because of you."

During our relationship, he had always told me how I made him a better person, that I helped him become the person he was hoping to be. It meant the world to me that I could influence him like that merely by loving him.

"Then my parents started discussing their divorce and there was nothing peaceful about being home. I started drinking heavier again."

Andrew rose his eyebrow at me, urging me to ask my question. He still could read me like an open book, and that scared me.

"What about the first time you blacked out? On halloween when we first started dating?"

Andrew cringed at the memory of the night of our first fight that was because of his uncontrollable drinking habits.

Looking back now, most of all of our fights came back to Andrew's alcohol consumption and lack of control.

I should've known.

"It was the first time since we started dating that I had actually drank. I lost control." his frown increased as he thought more in depth back to that night.

It was terrifying finding out he had blacked out and had zero recollection of his memory. Who knows what could have happened to him? I fucking hate alcohol.

He took a deep breath to signal he was going to continue. "I drank a lot, but I had some control over myself most of the time. Thinking about you always made it easier to keep my head on straight. Then, college came and we were over an hour away from each other. It was harder then because I didn't have you present as my constant reminder that alcohol is not all that matters in the world."