Have Hope

Moving On

It's been over six years since I've been on a first date. This is only the second guy I've ever been out on a date with.

Where I should feel nervous and antsy, the only emotion I felt was neutral. I wasn't excited and panicky like I was when I went out with Andrew for the first time. I felt completely neutral about this whole idea of going out on a date with a man that isn't my baby's daddy.

I pulled the belt through the belt loops of my dark wash skinny jeans and that was the finishing touch of my outfit for tonight - jeans and a white v-neck. I didn't put together anything too extravagant or spectacular because I had no idea what his plans were for us tonight.

Regardless, I didn't seem to really particularly care in all honesty.

I felt like a god awful person for admitting that to even myself.

Grayson is a good guy, from what I could conclude after the two weeks of knowing him. He was cute, kind, and understanding: he had a lot going for himself. His only flaw from my point-of-view is that he's not Andrew.

In the mindset that those feelings could change overnight, I agreed to go out on a date with him. Leaving Hope with Leah and Brennan for the night after spending the whole morning at school was not something I was necessarily excited to do, but I had to learn how to spend limited time away from her.

Grayson: hey I'm here
Me: okay coming right out!

I grabbed my keys and purse off the counter on my way out the door, while I texted Leah in the process to let her know I was leaving. Plus, the usual call me if you need anything.

"Hey, Helaina," Grayson greeted as I opened the door to his car and made myself comfortable.

This isn't the first time I've been in his car. There was one time we decided to get food after our class we had together and we'd decided to carpool in his car.

It was a rather nice car, a black 2014 Impala, for being a college student and all. The exterior was a little dirty due to the crappy weather that's been Pittsburgh lately, but the leather interior was almost spotless.

"Hey, how was your afternoon?"

"Fine," he shrugged. "Just rewrote some notes for Yetti's class. She talks so fast and I have to write so fast that I have to translate my own notes."

I laughed, "I agree wholeheartedly. If someone were to try and read my notes, they'd accuse me of just scribbling."

"That's college for you."

"You're not wrong," I agreed. "What's in store for us tonight?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Andrew would've said if he were here with me now.

"Dinner and fro-yo sound good to you?" He suggested.

I ignored the pang of sadness I'd gotten at the thought of Andrew and nodded.