Have Hope

Back to School

*one month later*

Last year when I was getting too big to move around constantly, I decided to take a year off of school on behalf of the second half of my pregnancy and the first few months of Hope's life. I only had a semester left to complete before I'd get my bachelors degree, where I would then become a teacher from there.

Today was my first day back to school in a year. I didn't think I'd be this anxious, but I definitely was. Not only for school in general, but the fact I was leaving Hope with Mrs. Isabella for the next few hours while I was at my classes.

This is the first time I've actually been quite a distance away from her since I had her 7 and a half months ago.

I know I should've spent more time away from her, for her benefit, but I couldn't. I never wanted her out of my sight, but now I had no choice.

"It'll be fine, Helaina," Leah promised me again as she held Hope in one hand and her diaper bag in the other. She was taking Hope over to her mom's house for me; we were just waiting for Brennan to switch her car seat into Leah's car.

"Call me if you need anything," I reminded Leah for probably the thousandth time.

"Of course," She promised. "Say bye-bye to Mommy, Hope."

I leaned forward and gave Hope's cheek a wet kiss making her giggle.

"See you later, bibs."

Leah left then, meeting Brennan outside at her car to take Hope to her mom's.

This is the first time in 7 and a half months I've been home alone in quiet. Strangely enough, I didn't even miss it. I love Hope and I love all the happiness and hope she brings me.

What would I even do without her?

I changed out of my grey sweatpants into a pair of skinny jeans and maroon sweater. It being the middle of winter in Pittsburgh, the sweater wouldn't be enough on my arms, so I threw over my new parka coat that was a Christmas gift from Shea - an unexpected one at that.

I'd tried telling everyone I didn't need anything, but no one listened. Instead of being ungrateful and complaining about no one listening to my wishes, I thanked them and put good use to the clothing and objects they had gifted me.

~•~

The drive to La Roche College was about a 35 minutes drive of pure silence. In all honesty, during these past several months, I almost forgot what silence sounded like.

Absolutely nothing.

Still didn't miss it.

I missed hearing Hope gurgle in the backseat as she hit her rattle against her car seat repeatedly.

Before going inside for my class, I texted Leah and waited for a response to see how Hope was doing in the whole half hour I've been gone.

Me: how is she?
Leah: she's doing great!! Stop worrying!
Me: tell her I love her and miss her!! I'm going to class now
Leah: okayy learn lots <3