Rough Waters

11

(Jewel POV) (April 23, 2017) (4:05pm)

I'm a wanderer...

Peaceful is what I felt on this beautiful Sunday. I decided to get some fresh air and come to Central park. I was currently sitting on the bench, sipping some green tea with my headphones on. I also brought my paint easel and some oil paint. Painting in the park was therapeutic for me. It has become a Sunday routine for me. I get to clear my head and just be at ease. I had a lot on my mind and felt like I had all these pent up emotions. The best way for me to get them out is to paint. All my life I've felt like I don't really fit anywhere.

I have always been a bit of a wanderer. I use to travel a lot. I would just get up and go; places like Hawaii, Big Sur, and Thailand. I haven't traveled like that in two years. I wanted to come back home to New York for school but, now I miss those days. Not knowing what everyday had in store just going with the flow of life. I am a person that likes spontaneity. I hate predictability and that's what my life has become lately. School is great, New York is great too; sometimes I just wish I could dip out and wake up on a island somewhere like I use to. Maybe this is a lesson that even the biggest ships need an anchor. I knew that I needed some type of structure but the free spirit in me yearned for something different. Its just inevitable.

I also have been dealing with this whole "pregnancy" thing. I have yet to take a pregnancy test; I'm so scared to find out that I have put it off for so long. I knew I was pregnant because of the sickness and weight gain. I had a little pudge now and I knew it wasn't from all the take out I've been eating lately.  Tonight I was going to face my fear and Yaya told me she was going to be by my side for support. I knew that no matter what that I had God, and my friends. A part of me was hoping it read negative though. A baby seems like a lot of responsibility but in my heart I knew the truth and that scared me even more. Not to mention Tyler hasn't been answering his phone. It's been almost a month since we both talked.

I don't know why he has been avoiding me like the plague but something was definitely up. I just hope he would answer when I found out the results later on tonight. It hurt to know he was distancing himself from me. I can't help but think its something I did or didn't do. I also had to consider the fact that he was a handsome football player with money. He was probably occupying his time with a bunch of hoes or maybe just another woman. If he was in fact doing this I would automatically end things. I know my worth and I won't tolerate cheating. I decided to let the negative thoughts drift away for a while so I could put my focus back on painting.

(Jewel POV) ( 10:34pm) (Jewel's Apartment)

"You ready?" Tehya asks as I held the pregnancy test box in my hands.

"I'm scared Yaya."

"Jewel you say you already think your pregnant. So let's just be sure. Enough of this unsure shit. Come on, Ill be right here for you so just take a deep breath and lets get this over with. "

"Alright." I say standing up and heading for the bathroom. I walked in and closed the door.

"I'll be out here if you need me okay?" I heard Tehya say outside the bathroom door.

I sighed and leaned against the bathroom sink.

I can't believe I'm in this situation right now. I thought the day I took a pregnancy test  I'd be older, accomplished in my career , married and in love. But I was none of those things. I said I loved spontaneity right? Not in this case.

I took the test out of the box and took it. After I was done I sat it on the counter and washed my hands. I set my phone timer for three minutes and walked out to the living room where Tehya was scrolling through her phone. We sat in dramatic silence, the tv was off and all I could hear were my thoughts. Tehya put her phone down and hugged me.

" I got you okay?" She said.

I nodded and hugged back not sure what to say. We both sat in silence until my phone timer interrupted it.

"Moment of truth." I said as we both got up and headed to the bathroom. We both looked at the test and as we both expected it said positive.

"Looks likes I'm gonna be an aunt." Tehya said rubbing my belly.

I just shook my head the tears flowing down uncontrollably. I ran into Tehya's arms and started sobbing. The fear increasing with each sob. I can't be someone's mother I haven't even fixed the issues with my own mother. I'm just learning how to be a proper adult I can't raise a child. Tyler won't even answer the phone how can we raise a child together when we can't even communicate. I can't even comprehend all my emotions.

"I know it feels like this the end of the world but Jewel I know you can get through this." Tehya said pulling away from me and wiping my face with tissue.

"How Tehya? I'm gonna be a single mom trying to finish school and i'll end up having to get a job to support myself and this baby." I say trying to catch my breath.

"You have money that your parents put aside for you Jewel and you can use some of that while you finish school and you won't be a single mother even if that ass decides not to help you raise this baby you have me, Marcus and CJ. Plus your mom and dad. You aren't alone and you will never be alone okay?"

"Yeah." I say sniffling and wiping my face. I heard her but I still was scared and didn't know where to go or start.

"Let's go into the living room so we can figure this all out together." She said as she walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I sat next to her grabbing my phone.

" I have to call Tyler and let him know." I say frantically dialing his number.

I put the phone to my ear hoping and praying that he would answer.

Straight to voicemail

I threw my phone down on the coffee table and started crying again. "He won't even answer!!"

"Oh hell no." Tehya said standing up and grabbing her cross body bag while putting on her shoes.

"Where are you going?" I ask looking up at her.

"What's his address?"

"I can't tell you that Yaya."

"You can and you will!! DO YOU THINK WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU IS OKAY?! NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE! NOT CHECKING ON YOU! ITS NOT RIGHT AND IM GOING TO FIND HIM AND WHOOP HIS RAMEN NOODLE HEADED ASS!" She yelled as she headed out the door.

"Please Yaya. Don't do this. I"ll handle this myself." I say following her to the stairs of my building.

"No because I know you Jewel and I know how much you love him. Your my sister and I can't let you be treated like this. This ends now." She says as she leaves out the building and heads out the sidewalk.

Why me?