FtM Transgender???

Chapter #25: the lonely

A/N hey guys so for the name I would like i've thought of many but i like Jayden a lot.... though i'm not gonna say that's my name just yet i'm gonna think more about it and if i'm still with it in a few weeks then i'll ask my friends to call me by that. well enough the chapter!!!!! BTW anyone think Dane's mom will come about anytime in the future?

Mac's P.O.V

I don't know what's gotten into me... but I was letting that trans kid Dane sleep in my bed while he was sick... gah. I don't understand why I get soft around him, I'm never this nice to any of the foster kids, or to anybody really! Running a  hand through my hair, I walk to the washroom and take a hot shower. Letting the hot water hit my body felt nice, it relaxed me and for a moment I felt like everything was normal... After a hour shower, I step out and dry myself with a small towel then wrap it around my waste, walking to the kitchen I find my cigarettes and go to the window by my studio and light a cig. Breathing in the smoke, I relax my shoulders and let my mind go blank.

* few hours later*

Laying on the couch in the living room, I stare blankly into empty space until I start hearing small Little tip taps of feet hit the floor, it was only 1 so the whole family wasn't here cause they were either at school or work... only Dane was home and he could barely get up this morning.... listening to the steps, it sounded like he was stumbling a bit... damn kid doesn't know when to just rest.... Getting up I walk to the kitchen to find him, though he wasn't there, puzzled I head toward the hall way that lead to his room and there was where I found him stumbling into his door way.

"Hey Dane? whatcha doing, said you could stay in my room" walking slowly I start to hear things start to be thrown around. rushing into his room, I see Dane over by his dresser resting his hands on it as his shoulder hunched as he was heaving  "you okay mate?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?!  Does it?! It doesn't feel like it, it feels like I'm going to get sick, My head is killing me, and all I keep thinking is how much I hate my body, How much I hate myself! I'm suffocating and no one notices, no one understands these feelings I have! why couldn't I have been born a boy! why is it I have to be stuck in this stupid body!" grabbing at his chest, he was out of breathe and start to throw up. Staring at him, I couldn't believe this was Dane, he never really yelled, there was that one time bout his mom but that's it. Where this all came from I have no clue... I guess he just kept all this stress in him that it turned into a ticking time bomb inside of him.

"hey now... just calm down a bit" saying softly it was probably the wrong thing to say... gezz I'm horrible at helping things at times.

"calm down?! how can I? I have a girls body and my voice isn't deep enough!" now sobbing in between painful hurls, I walk over to him and rub his back, I'm gonna have to get someone to clean this up for sure... feeling his back, he was all sweaty and was super warm. Picking him up, I take him to the bathroom and pull off all his clothes and set him down on the cold floor, quickly running some cool water in the bath, I let it fill up, then place Dane in it. seeing him relax a bit, I move some of his blue hair off his forehead. closing his eyes, he rests his cheek on the edge of the bathtub.

"see, all you needed was to cool down." speaking softly, I see a small smile appear on his flushed face. " and look, honestly, it doesn't even look like you got any boobs, their not even training bra stuff, so really if ya worked out more they'd be gone, and you know we could always try to get you on 'T' or whatever you call it so you're voice goes even more deeper cause you just sound like a boy who's balls haven't dropped yet." chuckling a bit, I knew I was doing good, it was nice to hear him chuckle... hearing him upset just... it just shouldn't be aloud. resting my head by his on the tub, we sat there for a good hour, then, I picked him up and wraped him in a towel and put him back in my room, to rest some more.

 *LATER ON IN THE DAY*

Drinking in the kitchen I hear the kids coming towards to house, as they talked about their day to each other, hearing the door open their  voices booming as the twins stormed in, as they were play fighting and Ish and Charlie were talking about something while to other younger kids talked about what they colored in that day. I couldn't care really, as long as I didn't get a call from their school saying something bad happen, I just didn't care, if they talkde to me about something of school, I'd kind of listen only to look as if I care, but they knew to keep it short.

"Hey Mac, where's Dane? he's not in his room, and it's a mess and there puke on his floor." Charlie says as he peeks from the kitchen door way.

"oh yea.... he's in my room, he thought it'd be a great idea to try and walk to his room and he had a bad fever so when he got there he was sweating and getting sick from working so hard... stupid kid... mind cleaning that up from him?" taking another cig out I walk to the kitchen window and open it so I could smoke.

"ummm... sure..." Charlie sighs as he heads back for Dane's room.

"Mac?" a voice asked

"yes Ish?" I say after taking another drag.

"why are you so soft on Dane?" Ish asked from the other side of the room, feeling annoyed with the question I snap at him.

"I ain't soft on him! he's mindless, got no brains, and I can't beat the brains outa him if he ain't got none to start with, you little shit." finishing my smoke, I kill the bud and walk off to my studio to do my late night show.

a whole chaper in Mac's P.O.V!

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