A/N: Thanks for those who wrote those kind messages, it really made me feel better❤️ I can't say I've gotten better but damn it's been a month since I've updated and I feel so bad leaving all of you guys hanging. __________________________
[ JUNGKOOKS POV ]
I endured so much pain that I got used to it and suddenly didn't know what pain felt like anymore. I dropped my head and panted as sweat trickled down my nose and chin.
My breath became wheezy and gave a slight whistle. My eyes became droopy and slowly started to close.
-
"So how did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"They will obviously find out you kidnapped him, how did you manage to get away it?"
One man started to laugh "it's pretty simple actually!"
I immediately shot my eyes open and lifted my head up and tried to focus on what they were saying.
"First we took that guy in the cell behind us, Tom and Jack replaced him with someone's corpse" said someone behind a metal door.
"But wouldn't people know that it isn't him?"
"Someone I know is very good at making someone's face on to another person. The thing about a Mental Institution is that there are a lot of suicides in it, there isn't any need of a proper investigation, it's very common for people to commit suicide here and the evidence he killed himself is all there"
My eyes were wide open.. I couldn't believe what I just heard, someone faked my death? Is this why I'm there? But why on Earth would that happen? What the fuck does Mia want with me now...
"I know she's in that institute but I don't get how she can give us the money, I feel like this is a scam.."
"She knows how to find a way.. she has never broke her promise"
"I... I suppose you're right..."
I got up from my bed and walked around the room I was in, in circles.
I ran my fingers through my hair and thought about what was going to happen to me. I thought about my future.. I realised didn't have one anymore.
I clenched my first and raised it up at the level of head.
I immediately screamed and swung it directly at the wall. "NO!" I roared.
"NO!" I punched the wall, not caring about the pain I was in, I was already in worse pain before I got here.. I continuously punched until my knuckles bled and I could no longer feel my fingers. Yeah I might have broken my bones, but who the fuck cares about how I am anyways?
After the rage and the stunt I pulled, I dropped myself on my bed and looked at the ceiling in different places, the corner, the light, the cobwebs that were surrounded the edge of the walls.
My eyes were watery.. and then I broke.. I broke what I was keeping inside and burst into tears.
I wept for who knows how long, no one was watching me and so I could do whatever I wanted.
I could cry as much as I wanted.
I could torture myself as much as I wanted.
-
I scratched the corner of the wall with a sharp piece of metal that was lying around as I marked a line with 45 other lines next to it.
It's been about a month and half I've been here. I didn't know if I had gotten insane yet or was I still sane. I didn't interact with anyone at all, None of them talked to me, none of them touched me.
The only thing was them giving me a tray was some type of porridge for breakfast and then for lunch they would give me an apple, a sandwich with what I'm not sure what but I guess it tasted okay.
Along with the tray, there was pills, I'm not sure exactly why I needed them, it was either because of my malnutrition or the fact that they knew I coughed up blood in the institute.
I was sick of the food after a while so I forced it down my throat quickly because I didn't want to taste it.
I threw up a few times, I noticed the state of my body has changed, the reflection of a pale guy, dry lips, cheekbones quite visible, a thin neck stared back at me as I looked at the mirror.
I knew my health wasn't good at all, my whole body felt so weak and I could barely stand properly without my legs shaking.
It was after about 30 days that I got sick of the food and as I forced it, I also gagged every time.
Taking a bite and forcing to swallow it was unbearable, there were quite some times where I would run up to the toilet and vomit.
After many many thinking, I thought to myself over and over:
What even is the point of eating, of living if I'll be trapped in here forever?
How about I just end my life finally.. that seems the only case.
I curled up in the corner of my bed and rocked back and forth while shivering as a cold breeze from a high up window traveled around the room and touched my skin.
Do it.
Don't do it.
Do it.
Don't do it.
I said to myself over and over again. I was too much of a coward to do the simplest thing.
There were two voices in my head. One told me not to do it, and the suffering will finally be over. And another voice told me to just end it for real because there's no point in staying alive. Arguing over and over, waiting for me to make the final decision.
I listened to the first voice for a while, but somehow the second voice finally found a way to win the far.
Who am I even staying alive for if I'm trapped in here forever?
Do it.
I shot my eyes on the shelf just underneath my mirror, there it was.. the sharp object just there waiting for someone to use it for the proper reason. I bet it was thirsty for some blood on it.
I uncurled myself and made my way out of bed.
I slowly walked towards it while my legs started to shake.
My eyes were focused on one object, and no one will stop me from using it.
No one.
My eyes were half open and I was breathing heavily, I almost looked zombified.
I reached my right hand out, just a few inches away from the sharp metal.
Slowly and slowly, then finally I came in contact with the cold object that was in the palms of my hand.
I held it up in front of my face and examined it, then my eyes wandered at the refection facing back at me.
I guess this was it then.
"Father..
... I-I'm sorry"
I dug the blade inside the flesh of my skin with great force, not even caring if I cut my whole hand off.
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I screamed from the pain I was in as blood flew out of my wrists and dripped on the floor.
