Accentify Critique Lounge [ CLOSED / FINISHING PRIOR APPRAISALS ]

| II R-Appraisal | Just the Three of us

   Hi. Here is your critique @clarizabby. Thank you for sharing your story with us. God bless.

   Critic: jiernins

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Characters:

   ▶️ Ayos naman yung characters. Kung pwede, i-emphasize mo ng mabuti yung characteristics nila. I have a tip for you sa isang mabuting introduction.

BAD:

Siya si Paulo Angelo. The most popular playboy in the school campus.

GOOD:

"Paulo Angelo." sigaw noong babae sa isang lalaking may kanding na babae. They're both his girls or should I say toys.

Structure/Plot:

   ▶️ Para sa akin, medyo cliché na ang simula niya ay first day. Siguro sana baguhin mo na lang. Make a few changes kung kaya. Kasi cliché na siya eh.. Pero gusto ko yung chapter 5. Tsaka, pede bang magtapos yung chapter mo sa isang news or nakaka-shock na pangyayari para mas lalong mag-abang yung reader mo? Yun lang kasi yung sa tingin ko, best for your story.

Theme/Philosophy:

   ▶️ Hindi ko pa masyadong mae-explain since it's not yet finished but I hope you can improve your story.

Setting:

   ▶️ It's cliché that it started at a school. Sa akin, hindi nga nagsimula sa school pero preparation ng first day of school. Yes, ayos lang kasi karamihan naman sa stories ay sa school nagsisimula but can't you start on like may trabaho na sila or anything? That would be better.

Dialogue:

   ▶️ Sana masabi mo kung sino yung nagsasalita para maintindihan at malaman ng lahat kasi basta na lang sinabi eh.
   ▶️ Also please use this "*" if one of your characters says bad words. Bata pa lang kasi yung ibang nagbabasa.

Author's Style:

   ▶️ Just do separate the punctuation mark to the next sentence. Masyado kasing dikit eh.. I hope you can edit it when you have time.
   ▶️ Also use small and big letters if needed ONLY. Like sa beginning ng sentence or brand.
   ▶️ I hope you can learn differences between commas and periods. They're different.

Mood:

   ▶️ Happy.
   ▶️ Sa chapter 5 ko nakita ang mysterious type.

Insights:

   ▶️ I'm still at the verge of thinking, if what is the appropriate insights for your story. But still, just keep on writing.

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Rating of your story:

1.75 (89-91)

Letter Marks and it's Descriptions:

IP - ( In Progress )

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: R A T I N G S / S U G G E S T I O N S :

Prologue 📝

   ✏ There's nothing wrong with the prologue. Ang sa akin lang, medyo haba-habaan mo yung prologue para may idea yung ibang readers kung tungkol saan ang story mo. Kasi dito sa prologue nakaka-excite magbasa ng isang story. So I hope ma-apply mo.

Chapter One 📝

   ✏️ Ang napansin ko po, hindi niyo na po nilalagyan ng period kada tapos ng isang paragraph. Importante po ang period for a sentence. So you should put period or any correct punctuation mark suitable for the sentence.

📌 Ari-arian NOT ari Arian .
📌 Kong should NOT be in capital letters.
📌 I hope maayos niyo po yung spellings. It's kinda complicated.
📌 Yung NOT young.
📌 "nagbukas-sara" with hyphen

Chapter Two 📝

   ✏ Just the same with Chapter one
   ✏ Your is a possessive noun. It is used to indicate ownership. You're means you are. In one sentence of this chapter, you should've written "You're handsome."

Chapter Three 📝

   ✏ Just the same as chapter one, too

Chapter Four 📝

   ✏️ Same as chapter one
   ✏ Kapag may phone calls, make sure na alam ng readers kung sino yung nagsasalita. You can use italicized words for the caller, or yung kausap. Normal for the point of view owner.

Chapter Five 📝

   ✏ Yung iba po dito ay may period ang iba po ay wala. Sana po maayos niyo yung ganitong problem.

✉ I hope I helped you. (: