Accentify Critique Lounge [ CLOSED / FINISHING PRIOR APPRAISALS ]

Aeon

Hi. Here is your critique @debitiderc. Thank you for sharing your story with us. God bless.

Critic: MsNotSoFabulous99

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Characters:

▶ I really like how you describe each individual in your book, regardless if they're good or bad. I can easily determine who is who and not to mention their consistency as the story progresses. I just found Liah and Aeon cliché. Liah is bitchy, skinny, pretty, popular and a cheerleader. She's just a typical female antagonist that you can find in almost all books. While Aeon is the ugly, fat but intelligent loser that's crushing on her cousin's boyfriend, Scott Edwards whom I found cliché as well. On the contrary, I really like the characters of Garnet, Zed, Renehtor and Drake. I found them unique and honestly, they are the reason why the story is getting more interesting; they are the reason why a reader, like me, kept on reading the story. So good job. I'm just hoping for a character development for Aeon.

Structure Plot:

▶ I found the first chapter of the book boring. It really didn't excite me or what. Good thing, the second chapter up until to the latest one is very interesting. They are very well made. Every chapter just needs a little more emotion poured into it. As I've observed, there are more paragraphs describing what a character is doing than what a character is feeling.
▶ For example, in Chapter 2, when Aeon was changing for some clean clothes, she mentioned that she hates her cousin, Liah and the other bullies but I can't feel her hatred towards them because as I can see, you focused more on how she changed her clothes and you immediately jumped on another thought which is the good Samaritans. But don't worry it's still good, the lacking of emotions just destroys the mood and atmosphere of the chapter but the interest and excitement is still there. Maybe use some exaggeration to add emotions like Aeon wanting to rip off their heads and hanging it on the walls of her room as a trophy of her success.
▶ Then you have this issue with the transition within paragraphs. I was actually confused when I read the part in Chapter 1, where Aeon was listening to music and suddenly was making eye contact with Scott. I really scrolled back because I was so lost. I didn't know what is happening anymore.
There are also parts where you put parenthesis to enclose words and phrases which are not actually needed to be enclosed. For instance, "I pull the covers over my head and tuck in my ears beneath the pillow in attempt to hide from Liah (my evil cousin) shouting and slamming the door..." where actually you could omit the parenthesis and replace it with commas. Although, parenthesis could also work but wouldn't you think that commas are much more appropriate? So it will be like this, "I pull the covers over my head and tuck in my ears beneath the pillow in attempt to hide from Liah, my evil cousin, shouting and slamming the door..."
▶ Nevertheless, the story flow is really good, it just goes naturally and the story is getting more exciting and interesting as it progresses. I really like how you told the history of the Orion Academy and the many concepts of the book. It's just awesome. I'm just hoping for an explanation of how Aeon got herself under the same roof of her bitchy cousin in some later parts of the book. Overall, it's a unique book with a unique concept which makes every reader hooked.

Theme/Philosophy:

▶ General Fiction. The chosen genre is really appropriate, considering that it does not only focuses on love and friendship but also mystery, action and fantasy. They are well-balanced.

Setting:

▶ You have no problem with the setting as you have well described each places she goes, creating vivid images in a reader's mind. In every chapter, I always know where and when every scene is happening so I never get lost. So keep it up.
There are just so many towns mentioned with some names that are hard to remember like Geantreagor and Noxcaelo. And with every town, inhabits people with different characteristics which some are hard to remember as well. I just suggest to always put descriptions whenever you mention a town but make it brief. For example, "Aeon and Garnet were now headed to the home of earth elementors, Terra." something like that.

Dialogue:

▶ You have no problem here as well. I can really tell who is talking from the very first part of the book up until the latest one. I could even hear the character's voices shouting, whispering and talking in my head because you have made every dialogue clear and alive. They just go naturally. I could also imagine their movements when they speak. So kudos!

Author's Style:

▶ Author's style is pretty common but it's beautiful. I like how you start every chapter with a quotation that somehow tells something about that part of book and I also like how you end every chapter, whether if it's a cliffhanger or not because it makes your readers wanting for more. I also like how you constructed every fight scene in the book because they are easy to understand and imagine. When I'm reading them, I'm like playing a video clip in my head. Your choice of words stimulates the brain to create images of the scene which makes it enjoyable to read.

Mood:

▶ I just feel that I am in a different world when reading this story. I always feel excited for every chapter, especially when they are already taking the test as I am really looking forward to what the Author has in store for Aeon and for the other characters. There are some parts of the book where I felt really serious and sometimes, it's getting mysterious or even scary but that's a good thing!

Insights:

▶ Don't be afraid to take risks as it may grant you a thousand opportunities and in everything that you do, don't give up. If you can't find a door to success, build your own door.

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Rating of your story:

1.25 (95-97)

Letter marks and its Description:

IP- ( In Progress )

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