Stuck with a Punk ✔

No. 14.: Adopting

Maybe he isn't as excited about adoption as much as I am, but Daniel helps me in the best way he can. Ever since I pulled him into this pit of parentless children, he's been scolding me. That was until I reminded him I was the big brother. Then he's shut up and started to complain about Patty who wants to have a big wedding before giving birth instead. She has only a few more months to go and that is one of the reasons Daniel is raging. The other reason is that he doesn't want to have a big ass wedding like her. He wants to invite her and his family, maybe some family friends and that'd be where it ends, while she'd invite both close and friends with whom she has drifted apart. I have her on suspicion she just wants to rub it all to my face: "Look, Nate, that's Janet, we were in kindergarten together. We didn't know each other, but there was one time when I shoved mud in her face and I thought she'd be happy if we got back in contact. You know whom I didn't invite, though? You."

"I'm really worried about it. Now she's rushing with the wedding like we're going to die after the birth of our child." Danny groans and slams his fist against the steering wheel of my car.

I squirm when he treats my Alfa Romeo so carelessly. We are driving to the adoption agency. Sue called me to come by and she mentioned this was the big day. She said that for every interview I had to drag myself through. I asked Danny to come with me, in case I needed another reference and when I came to pick him up from work with my car, he was tempted to choke me if I didn't let him drive a little.

"If you'll keep slapping my car like it's some cheap whore, you'll die before seeing your newborn, got that?" I warn him and shoot him a sideways glare.

Maybe he's heard, maybe he hasn't, he doesn't let me know which one is it, but as he continues to babble about Patty, wedding, baby and honeymoon, I notice he is treating my car with gentler hands "And how do you imagine being on a honeymoon after getting another kid?" Daniel exclaims and holds himself back when he lifts his hand to hit something with it. "I know her, you know her and we're both aware she'll take the baby to our honeymoon." He sighs like a desperate man that he is "I love expanding my family and being with it on holidays or when I come home from work, but honeymoon us about being with your spouse."

"Honeymoon is about sex."

Daniel looks through the window shield very uncomfortably. Most likely he is searching for a different, more romantic way to describe honeymoon, but he doesn't try that hard. It is easier to just plainly agree with my description, which is the most accurate one "There's definitely no space for a newborn baby."

I snort and lean my elbow on the car's windowsill "I thought Patty was clear on the meaning of honeymoon."

"Honestly?" Daniel quickly glances at me, then fixes his eyes on the road "I thought so too and it looks like we were both wrong." 

I let the window down and wink at a blonde who is conveniently standing at a bus station. She replies with a smile and returns me a wink, then sadly traffic light turns green and Daniel drives further. 

"I mean think about it, when people come from honeymoon friends usually ask them if they had lots of sex and where everywhere did they do. And will I say? Oh yeah, we tried to have sex, but then our baby would start crying and I had to hold her until she went back to sleep. Otherwise, the honeymoon was great!" He sobs a little and stops at another traffic light "That sounds so horrible..."

I smile victoriously at him "You could at least make some money of it by calling Guinness' book of records and register your honeymoon as the worst and most pathetic one." Daniel squeals and murmurs something under his breath, which I can't hear clearly "Or register yourself as the husband who turned into a puppy the fastest You'd definitely win that!"