Stuck with a Punk ✔

No. 73.: Marking

My forehead is pressed against the steering wheel. I haven't moved in 10 minutes. My car is parked in a random parking lot in front of a supermarket. I didn't want Mr Perfect-Mason gazing at me from the window and offer me help.

Hell to the fuck no!

Naturally, I drove away. Right after I was done with beating the steering wheel. Funnily, it has become my shoulder to cry on now.

My breath quickens and deepens just at the thought of him surpassing me.

Let's be honest, why the fuck should he? And how the fuck could he? In every department, I am better than him. But no, he is too nice, and I can't hate him, or make a devil out of him. The fucker would even apologise for cumming in the condom and making it dirty.

God, I hate him... so... damn... much!

I wouldn't pay him any attention at all. With his character, it's not like he can achieve much. If he achieved worldwide fame with his music, I wouldn't bat an eye. But he won over Annabelle's heart and that's the most painful thing that could've happened to me.

It's a stupid competition. It's not like I want to marry Annabelle, it's not like I love her or anything like that. I simply just... don't see how she can be so devoted to Mason even when she meets a guy like me, someone way better than him. How can't she see that she has the charm and wit to win any guy?! Naturally, goes for fucking Mason then.

All of it is like a really bad joke.

I take a couple of deep breaths, hoping it would do the trick of calming me down or at least letting me recollect myself. It doesn't do jack shit. I'm just an idiot breathing deeply in my car.

Leaning on the steering wheel and occasionally glancing up has been therapeutical in a way, but it'd feel really good to scream right now. Just to scream and preferably pull Mason's teeth out one by one.

Whatever I do or whatever I don't do, I end up returning either to Mason or to Annabelle, and this consequently leads to the other one. Any combination with Mason and Annabelle is not simply pissing me off, it's gnawing at me, it's awakening something that is like a feeling of being powerless, but it's not followed by despair, but by something that most psychiatrist would most likely mark as anger issues.

Why the fuck does he want her back if she's not the one for him?

I know the answer to it before my thoughts finish formatting the question in my mind.

It's Annabelle. What is there not to like about her? She may not be the one, but given that she was probably the height of Mason's life, he'd like to have another fun ride with her. Extra emphasis on fun.

It's even worse because he knows what she wants, and he has given her that once, and she was ready to completely settle down with him. With him. And now he's just going to play her, he's going to use her, he will lull her back into his arms, she will fall right for it because it's so obvious she has feelings for him, and a year or two later... Suddenly, Mr Boyband won't be in the picture any longer.

And all I want to do is to make sure she is happy. She's been happy until he showed up, hasn't she? But now... it's all deteriorating.

Even now when I'm having one of my episodes that usually come first, I'm checking the clock regularly to make sure I won't be the reason she is late for the job. Despite all, I'm still worried about her!

But no, Mason is the man of the hour...

***

I don't know why I thought earlier that she should love me. It's a very slippery slope, something I keep coming back to. Not that I want her to be in love with me... Why would I want that? I don't want her, except in a way that... we're kind of close. But that is not hinting at a romantic relationship or anything like that!