Stuck with a Punk ✔

No. 61.: Giddy

After I have realised this overthinking is only me being bored with myself, my focus on work skyrocketed. I got the idea for some improvements, gathered a team that has great potential for working on this, and there was no need to even give them instructions.

Suffice to say that today's day has gone very well, and it only took a bit of logical, rational thinking. How did I not think of it before beats me. I know how I function, but despite that and despite my experience, being it physical or emotional, I didn't think that all of that, about Annabelle, is not the feeling.

It's not comparable to feelings I felt after Patty and I broke up. All the guilt, the loneliness, the anxiety of both moving on and not moving on, the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of aching heart that would feel better if it were stabbed with real knives. That cannot compare to me slightly obsessing over Annabelle and what she's doing with her life.

I don't know how I haven't made that connection before. It's so obvious when I think about it now. Probably because I wasn't thinking rationally, but only focused on feelings I thought I was experiencing.

Wow... Imaginary feelings... That's a new one even for me.

At least I did figure it out. Now my life returned to normal! I am back to feeling like I used to, which is really damn relieving. I like being like this, being the master of my own fate and future, and not a slave to imaginary pain with no ground to stand on.

Well, my life is back on track now!

I return home more confident than when I have left. I doubt that I will have any type of reaction when I see her today. Now that my feelings are explained and dealt with, being around Annabelle won't be torturous anymore.

I walk in my apartment with confidence pumped up to the sky, so basically as it should be. I have every reason to be confident and comfortable in my own skin.

In the previous days what did half of the torturing for me was simply me knowing I'd have to come home to her. That sounds kind of harsh and kind of wrong. I like coming home and seeing Annabelle, talking to her and things like that. The torture was a simple thought of her banging that dude, but now... Now, I don't care.

Okay, I care a little, but just because she deserves the best and not some average Joe. She is above average and this is what she deserves in return. That is to be dealt with anyway and it's not worth losing my sanity over.

Before I open the door, I stop for a moment and savour a breath that feels easy and not weighed down by anger and uncertainty. I've had a major revelation today, which makes today a very good day!

"Hi, you're home!' Annabelle exclaims before both of my feet cross the threshold.

"Eeememeh!" Devon yells out with a big grin that reveals two small front milk teeth in his mouth.

"Hi..." I say warily because half of the confidence I've felt throughout the day has evaporated.

She peeks at me from the kitchen and that's when I get physically sick. "Oh... Has something happened? You don't sound okay..."

I slam the door like I'm ready to kill her. "I'm fantastic..." I say grimly, irritated by what is happening within me again.

At first she regards me carefully like she's scared of me. Well, she should be. I know that I am. "What happened?"

"Life." I don't know!

"Well," she starts and follows me around when I take off my jacket and throw it somewhere, and when I'm just trying to escape from her.