Stuck with a Punk ✔

No. 79.: Wasted

This year has clearly been unlike any other. I am sick of listing all the new things that have happened to me because I do that whenever I don't know what the fuck to do. Though, there are new things I should add to that list.

Talking to Austin, besides, you know, freaking falling for Annabelle, was... weird. That sounds as if I'm not used to talking to people or having friends. Let me rephrase. It's not that I'm not used to talking to Austin. I'm just not used to talking to him... about personal shit.

Maybe my problem is that I think I should handle things differently because pretty much everything else has changed. Just because I adopted and because I haven't been to a club in a while and because I may have developed serious feelings for another person doesn't mean I have changed. The way I feel about things and handle my problems is probably still the same - I just forgot who I am apparently. Kind of ironic given my confidence and my ego.

Yes, Annabelle is terrific, and I will always stand by those words. Yet at the end of the day she is no different from other women. She was not created to be my soulmate or the love of my life, I don't believe in these things merely because life is too complicated and complex for that. Hippies might be all for the idea of the universe being guided by true love, but reality is quite different. Because I happened to have stumbled upon Annabelle, doesn't mean that it was all meant to be. It was the circumstances that made me develop my feelings, so if it were not Annabelle, it would've been a Sarah, Anouk or Himari.

Like Austin has said, there were others I had feelings for, and I handled it. It sucked, like it sucks now, but at least I got back the confidence to deal with it. I'm sure that Molly won't have anything against watching over Devon in the evening as well.

***

The stars are finally aligning back in my direction. Molly doesn't exactly have time, but she gave me their babysitter's phone number and that lady happened to have a free evening.

I find it strange to be nervous. Evenings like this used to be my routing and I felt good about it, back then I was sure nothimg at a club or a bar could surprise me. Except shooting, but they moved onto schools noe, so I'm good. Nonetheless, all of it is still nervewrecking.

Out of the three clubs I would normally visit, I opted for none of them. When I looked up the clubs or clubbing bars or whatever, I was surprised at the result.

I never bothered to look for different ones. LuxEm and the other two that I'd visit were right up my alley because they were close and I liked them - one more than the other. Now, the mere thought of going to the familiar clubs was unsettling. They'd only serve as a reminder of my past life.

I freaking enjoyed that life. I adored it. It was so free, so in the moment, so me. It was also my life before Annabelle, so everything... everything is connected to her. And if I want to, not forget it, but move past it, I need to go somewhere new, somewhere where I can't be reminded of what happened after I was in this or that club for the last time.

Three clubs, Coconux, Blanché and Myracusse, are located nearly on the other side of Boston. By the looks of it, they're all a neat place and the reviews seem to support that. Honestly, I couldn't care less about reviews, but I need to waste my time till the evening somehow, otherwise I'll keep thinking about her. I just want to go to a new place, get drunk and forget about my life.

The newly-found clubs I've come cross do have names that are way more catchy than LuxEm or Andron. More imaginative, I suppose. Or it's even the names that are triggering memories that make me suddenly so sick in the stomach that I think I'm going to throw up.