Stuck with a Punk ✔

No. 20.: Ignored

This is probably one of the first mornings after a long time when I wake up with a smile on my face. Maybe not literally, but my heart isn't heavy, life doesn't seem too obligatory and I can breathe with ease.

There is no better way to start an early morning than to go under a hot shower and then take your time to drink coffee and read jokes in the newspaper. Because that's what newspapers are for - reading jokes.

As I said, I take my time this morning and as I think about that, I am taken to my past when I barely went to sleep so I could finish projects my asshole of a boss wanted. In reality, he just wanted to get me fired, so he could employ his own son, so he'd give me three or four projects per night. Even though he was a total dick, I liked working in Wells & Hether company and luckily, CEOs are both capable men and when they saw every project that dickhhole represented was my idea, they quickly made the decision who was the productive one and who the slacking one.

Sadly, I am turning into the second one. Maybe now that I stopped feeling bad about everything and after my life got back on track, I'll get back to work. It's a weird thing for me not to work on any projects since I love my job. For me engineering isn't just a way to pay the bills and get through life, it's something in which I legitimately enjoy and what I'm passionate about.

When I tell people I'm an engineer, they always jump to conclusions I studied that so I'd take a place higher on the social ladder than other professions. But, do you really believe studying physics, mathematics, even chemistry and all other specialised fields, is that easy and something you only do to get a good job? Maybe some people do that, but you have to be at least a little interested in that topic to get a degree.

I was joking earlier when I said I read the newspaper only for jokes, that's not true. I usually read the articles that interest me and no, Kylie's new baby isn't one of those and if sometimes newspaper has nothing of my interest in it, there are always jokes. Sometimes they're good, sometimes bad, but they're always a big plus when ladies are involved. Experienced or not, a man knows you have to make a woman laugh. If you'll make her cry, she definitely won't let you take off her bra. Unless you're Patty, but that's a story for another time.

I read the first joke and take a sip of my dear coffee, I can finally enjoy.

• A lawyer was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said 'You're beautiful.' then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, he opened his eyes again and he said: "You're cute."

His wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful' she was 'cute', so she asked 'What happened to beautiful?'

He replied 'The drugs are wearing off.'

• A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one of them goes into the woods, finds a bear and attempts to convert it. Later they all gather and the priest goes first: 'When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with Holy Water. Next week is his first Communion."

'I found a bear by the stream' says the minister 'and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerised, it let me baptize him.'

They both look at the rabbi who is lying on a gurney in a body cast 'Looking back' he says 'Maybe I shouldn't have started with circumcision.'

• A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said 'I'll radio you ever 1000 feet to see how you're doing."'At 1000 feet the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet he said she was still doing well.