My lover, my assassin

Chapter 48

My eye lids felt heavy as I tried to open them. My head throbbed and I groaned as sunlight streamed in from the window and I went to cover my eyes but I couldn't move my arms. I ignored the pain in my head and sat up, pulling my arms and looking at the cuffs around my wrists. 

"Your up."

I turned to see Karma sitting at the edge of the bed and smiling down at me as if he hadn't just drugged me and tied me up.

"Deja'vu. At least you haven't gagged me this time and I don't have a bruise."

His eyes darkened a little but then he forced a smile and reached over to cup my cheek as he ran his thumb over my lips.

"Things were better than. You were safe by my side, safe from the world."

"Did you forget I was almost raped?"

The darkening of his eyes came back again and I was beginning to realise it was fear. He was afraid. Afraid to lose me. 

"He's gone now. Nobody can hurt you here. I have the best security system. We can stay here together, just you and me. Your friends can visit and I will quit working for Sensei. I have enough money for us. You will be safe Nagisa, I promise you."

"We cant just stay here forever!"

"And why not? There isn't anything out there for us. Just pain. You have been through enough. I promised to look after you."

He gripped my face between his hands and pressed our foreheads together. 

"I have failed so many times. How can you want to stay with me after what has happened?"

"I told you already, I love you Karma."

I brought my cuffed hands up to grip his shirt and hold him tightly against me. 

"If we are together everything will be okay."

"No. I cant risk it. If you go out there they will target you again! Word has spread what you have done. People will want you even more than before. I wont let the world have you, you're mine."

He trailed kisses along my jaw and moved to my neck where he bit down lightly and I gasped. His hand slipped under my shirt to grip my hips, dragging me over so I was straddling him.

"Karma we have to talk."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my chest and I realised he was trembling.

"Karma? What's wrong?"

"Icantlosteyou.Icantloseyou."

He was mumbling the words over and over again and I could only rub his back as his body shook before me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back the tears threatening to fall.

"I broke him once before. Did you know for weeks he had gone insane in his grief?"

I froze in my movements as Takaoka's words rang through my mind. It had been when he had dragged me to his room in the hotel and was threatening me with a knife. I had told him Karma was going to kill him and he had replied that he could try. 

"Yes, I killed the red demon."

And so he had. The broken man in front of me wasn't Karma, not anymore. I had seen the start to this change but I had been so caught up in my own dramas I hadn't been able to see what was happening. After Takaoka had been killed he had asked me to stay, begged me to never leave him and I had. Again. I tightened my hold around him and kissed the top of his crimson head.