My lover, my assassin

Chapter 49

"So I was thinking about making Mexican food tonight do you think you could go to the shops to get the ingredients?"

I called from the kitchen where I was looking through the ever dwindling food in it. Karma was sitting on the couch, watching some sci-fi movie we had found. It wasn't my cup of tea but I had been trying my best to keep from triggering any more attacks from Karma. Anything that showed people getting hurt or abused, he seemed to picture me. So, science fiction, aliens and romance was all we watched. 

It had been almost two weeks since we had started my house arrest. In that time we had watched my collection of harry potter movies twice and almost eaten all the food in the house.

He no longer kept me locked up. After a few days he took the cuffs off but he had changed the passcode on the doors and the front gate so I couldn't go. I wouldn't leave anyway, not without him by my side.

His episodes had lessened and I had been using my ability to sense his mood. Whenever I felt his fear rise I would quickly backtrack from whatever had triggered it and calm him back down. 

I had used this a lot with my mother, without even knowing I was doing it. It had simply become second nature and it was only after I had met Karma and everyone else that I had become aware of what I was doing. It had been a survival mechanism to me. I had thought I wouldn't have to use it but here I was, walking on glass around my boyfriend so he didn't break down. 

"I can call Kayano to stay with me if you want? Or we can see if someone wants to pick it up and invite everyone around?"

I heard him give me a non committal grunt and turned away from the fridge with the last of the chocolate biscuits and suddenly felt light headed. I stumbled a little and grabbed onto the bench to steady myself. Karma was beside me in a second, arm around my waist to steady me, his golden eyes full of worry as he looked down at me.

"Nagisa, what's wrong?"

I could feel his fear rising and almost hear the voice in his head, worrying that he would lose me. I shook my head and the dizziness away and gripped his face between my hands.

"I'm fine, just got a little light headed. Lack of sleep I guess."

 I regretted the words instantly as I felt his guilt. My nightmares had only gotten worse despite the sleeping pills I was taking. I got a couple hours at best each night. Karma would wake up with me but once he calmed me down and fell back asleep I stayed up, reading or watching television, not wanting to go back to the horrors waiting for me in my dreams. 

"Come on, we are going to miss the rest of the movie!"

I gave him an overly large smile, grabbed his hand and the chocolate and tugged him back to the couch. I sat him down and handed him the chocolate while I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around myself before lying down beside him, resting my head on his lap. He had a slight frown on his face but I grabbed his spare hand and put it on my head. Taking the hint he began to run his fingers through my hair and I hummed in pleasure. He chuckled and placed a chocolate at my lips which I gladly ate and nipped his finger.

"Are you my boyfriend or my cat?"

I smiled up at him, glad to see the troubling look was gone from his face. 

We finished the movie and moved on to a sappy romance one which I was ashamed to say made me tear up. Karma had no more moments and that night we had Kayano, Karasuma, Irina, Itona, Nakamura and Isogai around for dinner. 

This was my biggest struggle as I had to strain to feel everyone's tensions around Karma and anytime I felt his thoughts and feelings turn dark I would quickly change the conversation. Everyone left me in charge. They had each tried to help Karma in their own way but the pain he felt at losing me had settled deep inside of him.