Space Enough To Grow (Austin Carlile)

All The Tears

"Ahh!" I screamed, opening my eyes from the horrid nightmare. I sat up and frantically looked around my room. Fuck.

I shook head as I ran my hands through my hair and sigh, frowning. the sweat on my forehead turned cold and I started to steady my breathing.

Another nightmare.. about Austin. Well, first nightmare with Austin.

I re thought what happened and I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands.

Blood. That's all I remember. Just me, Austin, then blood. I open my eyes and tears start to form in my eyes, and I let out a small sob.

"Dani?" someone whispers uncertain from my door, and I look over. Alan stands there, his eyes full of of sadness and sympathy.

well, I would be upset too if I saw my sibling like this.

"Alan.." I say and shake my head, and wipe my eyes with my hand. The tears just don't seem to quit falling.

"What happened?" He says, walking toward me and sitting on the end of my bed.

"J-.. Just a bad day.." I say and shake my head at myself. I sigh and look up at Alan, and his eyes start to water. Is he going to cry?

"Please don't cry, I'm okay Alan," I say and slightly smile to show him that I can push myself though this and be strong.

Even though I can't. I never can.

"Okay.." He says and looks back up at me, giving me a slight smile and then wiping a single tear running down his cheek.

"Danielle, just stop thinking about it, your making the problem eat you alive. If you need someone, I am always here. Okay?" Alan speaks up and I nod my head slowly.

"Okay." I say in a slightly hushed voice.

We both talk some more and then he leaves, leaving the door cracked open.

I just sit there on my bed, staring at the the ceiling.

___________________________

"Hey sis, wanna come with me with dinner tonight with the rest of the guys?" Alan says from downstairs.

I look at the time on my phone and sit my pencil down from drawing.

"No thank you!" I yell back down to him and take a drink of water.

"Okay.. are you sure?" He says and I shake my head, no.

"Alan, I'm fine, okay? Just lock the door on the way out!" I say and try not to sound annoyed.

"Okay! Call me if ya need me!" then he's out the door, and silence takes over the house.

I lay down on my bed again and start to close my eyes, wanting to escape from the real world.

I open my eyes heavily as my phone starts going off, and I sit up again. I lazily grab my phone and click answer, and I didn't even look at who was calling me.

I wait a while as I wait for the other person to say hello.

"Uh.. Danielle?" I hear Austins voice mumble from the other end.

"What Austin?" I snap, he just interrupted me from my escaping nap. of course I would be mad.

"Okay.. I didn't mean to interrupt you..." He says in a hushed voice and I let out a frustrated groan.

"Austin what do you want?" I snap again, clearly annoyed.

"I was just wondering how you were doing. How are you?" He says back, being careful with his words.

"Im doing.." I stop and think. "Better. I'm doing just great." I say, trying to be believable.

There was a long silence, and I start clicking my tongue, with less patience.

"Okay.. good. I haft to go. Uh.. bye." And then I hear the click of the end button.

I am not in the mood to fucking talk to Austin. Yeah, blah blah, Austin took me in and took care of me after.. that night. But I don't care if he cares about me. I hate him still.

I sound mean but I sure as hell don't like Austin. And that sick dream.. it was horrid. I hated it. I hate it..

I just sit there and think about Austin. How's he's always fighting with me. I just, hate him. I'm sure as hell he hates me too.

I get up and slowly walk to my bathroom, the light slightly glowing from the light I,  left on.

I really need to get my mind off of Austin. Maybe this will help me.

I open the door slowly and look at the sink, seeing the razor sitting there, calling my name.

I think back to the dream, the blood, his kisses, hurting me but giving me more hope.