The Song Of Seattle

Wine and Whining

"You have a stock pile of mean songs you've written about me? Like some hormonal teenager?!" Brandon acted outraged and laughed halfway through. I took the last swig of my wine, we had made work of a whole bottle. It was now four in the morning, and I knew I'd have a killer hangover tomorrow morning. After we danced, we just naturally fell into conversation. I haven't gone back to my room yet. 

"In my defense, I wrote them when you were being an asshole." I said putting my hands up. Something about my facial expression made him laugh, and nearly choke on his wine. Dork. 

"Have I ever really stopped being an asshole though?" He asked with a look that suggested he knew the answer. He was smirking at me knowingly.

"Fair point. You are still one. You apologize a lot faster now though." I pointed out with a roll of my eyes. I liked that things were still playful between us, even when we were on the verge of talking about more serious topics. 

"Only for you though. I hate apologizing, it's humiliating." He said no trace of joking left in his voice. 

"You do not just apologize to me. Shut up." I said lightly shoving his shoulder. He barely moved in reaction to my pathetic shove. 

"Hand to God, not that it means much to me." Brandon said with a snicker, putting his hand up.

"You don't apologize to Allison? I'm sure you all fight." I said with intrigue. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone and not apologizing when I anger them. 

"We don't really fight much. Obviously a little bit more lately than we used to." He said shaking his head a bit and looking off. 

"You care about her though...maybe you should just apologize. I find that no matter how big the fight, a sincere apology from someone you care about always fixes it." I said in a matter of fact tone. I'm done coming between Allison and Brandon. Both of them have become my friends, and I don't want to be a catalyst for their break up. 

"I never said I care about her. I don't care about many people." He said intensely, turning his face to meet mine. He was so close to me right now, I was starting to think I should leave. 

"If you don't care about her then why are you with her? Maybe that's why you've been fighting more lately." I said in response. 

"You know why I'm with her." He said giving me a look like I was being naive. 

"The sex. Yeah, but you can have that and be in an actual relationship with the person." I said. I was a little bitter that he was talking to me like a little girl. 

"I find that the emotions in that kind of relationship ruin the sex part. Someone always gets clingy, and then I lose my independence. It's a trap. Besides, we aren't fighting because she thinks I don't care about her. We're fighting because she knows I care about you a million times more." He said not making eye contact. Like it physically hurt him to tell me. 

"Why?" I challenged. He wasn't expecting that response from me. He turned around with a slight tinge of shock in his eyes, but Brandon being the master of remaining cool replaced it with a look of neutrality.

"Why what? Why do I care about you?" He asked simply, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, why do you care about me? If you care about me so much, it doesn't seem right to be with Allison. All I ever hear from you is how much you care about me, how I'm important...does anyone in your life even know I exist? You would think if I was really that important I wouldn't be kept a secret. Especially considering that you're so important to me, and you've met my family and friends." I said in a calm yet firmly challenging voice. 

"I'm not taking you home to my mom like you're my fucking girlfriend." He snipped back coldly. 

"Well, why did you invite yourself to come meet my family like you're my fucking boyfriend?"  I responded coolly. 

"I didn't come to meet your family. I didn't have anything better to do, Allison was going home for the holidays. You and I are friends, and I wanted to tag along just like Michaela did." He said in a way that was intended to wound my feelings. It didn't though, not at all, because I knew it was absolute bullshit. 

"Except for the fact that Michaela has been my friend for 12 years, and she already knows my family. Also, this is her hometown as well. You could have just gone with Allison, that would have given you something better to do rather than wasting your time with me being my "not boyfriend". Not that I would ever ask you to be mine in the first place." I said back frostily. With every intention of irritating him. 

"Yeah, why is that? Why wouldn't you ask me to be your boyfriend? Even if Allison wasn't in the picture, or if I was even remotely interested in you." He responded with the intention of making me know that him being interested was laughable. 

"Because I don't trust you, Brandon. I've dated a guy that I couldn't trust once before, and I've learned from my mistakes. I won't be making the same one again." I said referencing the catastrophe that was my relationship with Ethan. 

"Don't compare me to him. If I decided to be with one woman, I would keep my word. You have no reason to not trust me." He said back, nostrils flaring slightly in anger.

"Well, I've seen how you talk about Allison. I've also put myself out on a limb a few times in this relationship, and I always regret it." I said standing up and dusting off my legs. I walked to the kitchen to put my wine glass in the sink. I felt empowered, but I also knew having this conversation after drinking so much wasn't good for either of us. 

I took a minute to gather my thoughts, and took a deep soothing breath while facing the sink. Then I felt two strong arms wrap around me from the back. Brandon kissed my neck , and I leaned back a bit into it. He had to hunch over a bit to continue trailing kisses up my neck to my jawline. My eyes fluttered close in response. "I'm sorry. Why don't you stay here tonight, no funny business." He said, and I felt him smirk near my earlobe.

"I shouldn't." I said back weakly. 

His arms then turned me around to face him, but still remained wrapped around me. His eyes bored into mine. "I think you should, I really think you should." He said his pupils dilating. I gave a small smile, and before I knew it his lips were brushing mine. This was going to happen, and I didn't know if I wanted it to. Before the kiss could become and actual kiss, my cellphone went off in my back pocket. 

"I need to answer this text." I said leaning back. Brandon just smirked and settled for kissing my neck. As I pulled my phone out, finding it hard to focus. 

"Who is it?" He murmured on my neck as he continued kissing up to my jaw. 

"Ethan. He wanted to make sure I got here okay." I said simply, putting my phone back in my pocket ready to resume our flirtatious debate about whether I would stay here tonight. 

Suddenly, Brandon removed himself from kissing my neck and distanced himself away from me. There was a guarded look up in his eyes. The moment was broken, and I knew it was because of Ethan. We stood there in awkwardness. Me with eyes that wouldn't stay focused on his, and him with angry eyes that couldn't look anywhere but me. 

"Why do you talk to that asshole still?" He said with a kind of quiet anger in his voice. 

"Because we have a history. I don't throw people away." I said in a reassuring voice. 

"You should." He stated simply. Moving towards the bedroom. I guess that's my cue to leave the house. I was turning the knob on the front door when I heard his voice from the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" He said walking out to the door frame. 

"I figured you didn't want me to stay anymore." I said easily.

"You could be best friends with whatever asshole you want, I still want you to stay with me. Maybe I'll even let you kiss me in the morning without snapping on you." He said jokingly with tired eyes referencing this morning. 

I shook my head and followed his tall lanky frame to the bedroom. 

This man was becoming too important to me. I knew I was going to get burned.