The Song Of Seattle

Fair Revelations

"Can you pass the honey?" Brandon's deep voice broke the deafening silence at the breakfast table. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice the whole time. That used to annoy me endlessly, but lately all it did was make me smirk back in response. 

"What the fuck? Honey on pancakes... there is maple syrup, you know?" I said in genuine horror and disgust. 

"Don't judge my topping choices." He retorted with that wink that is always meant to be playful, but somehow always exudes pure sex. 

We sat staring and smirking at each other for a minute, completely forgetting that Michaela was in the room with us until she very subtly coughed to regain our attention.

"Sooo...what are our plans for today?" She asked in a concerted effort to avoid addressing the elephant in the room that Brandon and I just spent a full minute undressing each other with our eyes. 

" Obviously the county fair. The Winter one is always our favorite, KK. How could you not know we were going this year?" I ask in a mock indignant tone, tearing my eyes off of Brandon. 

"Are there pigs?" Brandon's voice rang out, and instantly following his question Michaela and I burst out laughing. 

"Is that the only thought that you conjure up when you think of a fair?" I asked as my laughter subsided. 

"Don't make fun. I'm a city boy. We don't have county fairs, fucking bumpkins." He replied bitterly,but in a way that I knew implied he wasn't actually offended. 

"No pigs. That's the summer circuit. There is ice-skating though, and hot chocolate. Oh! Also we get to watch them turn all the Christmas lights on in the square." Michaela said getting more and more animated as she explained. 

"I'm down. You didn't need to continue after hot chocolate." Brandon said waving his hands as if to dismiss her. 

"Okay, well I'm going to go get ready." I stated getting up from the table. I distinctly heard Michaela's chair scraping against the floor as she followed me upstairs. 

I walked into my old room and sat in front of the vanity to begin the process of making myself look more human. I heard the door close, signifying that Michaela had entered the room. 

"You barely touched your breakfast, Syd. Are you keeping an eye on that?" She asked in a concerned tone. 

This is a topic that no one on the Earth knows about except for KK. I have struggled for awhile, since my dad got ill actually, with an eating disorder. I dropped weight super quickly about two summers ago at the height of my familial drama. It was a form of control, in my mind I couldn't control my dad's situation, but I could control my own. I was always a little bit bigger when I was growing up, and kids in school make sure to let you know that. I was on and off diets from the ages of 9 to 17. However, the summer after my senior year ended I so desperately wanted to change the way that I looked that I adapted various unhealthy measures to achieve my goal. I only just got a hold on it a few months ago, but I still suffer from severe body dysmorphia, and my unhealthy behaviors sometimes creep back when I'm extremely stressed out. 

"I honestly just didn't have an appetite because I'm so hungover." I replied as I applied makeup. I honestly didn't know if I was telling her the truth or not, so I didn't make eye contact. 

" I just know that I am the only person who knows, so that leaves me with a big responsibility to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. You're so beautiful, I wish you could see it. I hate when I see you start to drop weight, and I know that you did it in that way. I'm worried because you are still looking a bit sunken in on your face...and your collarbones are worrying too." She said timidly not wanting to anger me, which she knew happened easily when this topic was broached. 

"KK, I promise I'm fine. I'll get a caramel apple today, and I'll eat the whole thing. Okay?" I said to placate her. 

"Okay." She said heaving a sigh of relief. She stood up and made to walk out.

"Oh, Brandon. You scared me!" She exclaimed as she opened the door that he was standing outside of. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to see if you were almost done getting ready. I'm so bored, and also I'm impatient. In case you couldn't tell." He said walking in and launching himself on my dainty bed that he was far too big for. 

"Yeah, I was just finishing. I need to put some pants on though so..." I said casting an obvious get out look at Brandon. 

"Oh, go ahead." He said passively.

"Haha, that's funny. Nope, get out." I said shaking my head and walking towards him. I pulled him off my bed and pushed him by his shoulders out of my room.

"I'll just be right out here if you need help changing." He stated loudly from the other side of the door. 

I rolled my eyes and slid my pajama shorts off reaching for my tight fitting skinny jeans. I made sure to look at my body in the mirror before sliding my jeans on. I'll never be satisfied with my unclothed body. It is part of the reason that I have only ever had sex with Ethan, I'm too uncomfortable about my appearance to do that with another man. Isn't that pathetic? I shook my head, pulling my hair up into its messy bun, and walked out of the room. I'm determined to make today end better than it started. Remove the negative thoughts, I repeated in my mind as we walked to the car.