Confessions of a Teenage Christian (A Devotional Book for Teen Girls)

November 12, 2017 [Salvation]

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,  made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 2:4-5

Salvation-

This weekend, I went to my church's annual weekend-long retreat. I've gone for the last few years, and the impact it creates is the reason I have gone back year after year. However, this year is one I will remember for the rest of my life. Not only because it was my last year to attend, but because my life was forever changed. On November 11, 2017, I was saved.

I've never experienced a happier time in my life. I was entirely overwhelmed with emotions, crying and laughing and unable to contain my excitement. Who knew I was capable of that much feeling at one time?

Let me say that my walk with Jesus has been anything by conventional, especially now. But then again, isn't that the best part? He creates a unique story in all of us. It's not suppose to be cookie-cutter perfect. It's suppose to be raw and real and life-changing.

I have grown up in church my entire life. Last night's speaker spoke on something from a unique perspective, something I had never thought much about. He explained how it is difficult for kids who have grown up in church to have excitement about their life with Christ. It's certainly not a bad thing to be raised in church and to grow up learning about the Lord, but he did point out something that I had never stopped to realize. My speaker explained that those who go to church for the first time in their teen years can vividly remember what it was like to be lost. Because of this, they experience immediate excitement in the fact that they know how much better a life with Jesus truly is. Since I have grown up in church, I never really experienced a life without Him. This realization stirred up an inner battle I have struggled with for many years.

I asked Jesus to live in my heart when I was ten years old. I remember it was about a week after my twin sister had made the same decision. I remember how happy she was and knowing I wanted to experience that too. However, I do not remember a specific moment when Jesus shifted my way of life.

I have always believed there is a moment when you come to realize that you need to be saved by Christ, but there is a separate moment when you truly begin to fall in love with him and change your ways because of that love. I think I flip-flopped them a bit. Last night, I realized I hadn't had a moment of my own when I truly dedicated my life to Christ; I know I did at some point in my life, and He has done amazing things in my life since then. But I wanted a special moment with Jesus that I could think back and remember, when I could be sure that He saved me.

This has been something I have struggled with for many years. I believed that publicly making that decision again would void everything that I had done since then, and I didn't want that at all. I have experience so much of God's glory, and I wanted all of that to remain valid. But I realized, it has always been and always will be valid to me. My walk with Christ is mine. He certainly was not going to be upset with me for rededicating my life to Him. So I put aside all of that worry and over-analyzation, and I let God direct my steps. I've never experienced more happiness or excitement in my entire life.

I was truly a mess, but it was a moment I will always remember. I went to a back room with my group leader and a friend to explain my decision. By this point, I had a constant stream of tears trailing down my cheeks. I started to explain my situation, but I had nothing but excitement when talking about what I hoped this decision would stir up in my life. I got to a point when I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I started sobbing, unable to speak for a little bit. I wanted so badly to make things right with Christ, and in that moment I felt absolutely unstoppable. I was laughing at the irony of being so emotional yet so excited at the same time. Even with all of that said, I feel as if I have not done the moment its true justice. It was absolutely indescribable, something I crave and pray everyone experiences in their life.

You guys, it is so easy to forget how amazing God is. He can change this world entirely on His own, yet He choses to do it with us. I am so excited to have experience a moment that made everything clear. But excitement cannot even begin to describe how I feel about what He will continue to do in my life.

Dear God,

Thank You so much for this weekend. My heart was filled with so much joy when witnessing all of the eyes You opened this weekend--including mine. Lord, I am so ecstatic to think about what You will continue to do in my life. I am completely and solely Yours, and I am ready to step out in boldness for You. I thank You for giving me the courage to step out and experience such a life-changing moment with You. I pray that You do not let this excitement fade so that I may bring You glory each and every day for the rest of my life. I pray for all of these girls reading, that they get to experience such an unforgettable moment similar to the one I had the privilege of experiencing this weekend. I pray that You never cease to tug at their hearts. I pray that Your word is heard to the ends of the earth, and I am more than willing to do whatever You wish for that to happen. I love You so much more than I could ever express. I pray I never lose this amazement You have instilled in me. I'm excited to continue to learn and hear from You. In Jesus' holy and beautiful name, Amen.