Serendipity KTH

Chapter 14 - The Talk

"Let's talk" I said as I finally have the courage to tell him when we saw each other at the office.

"Right now? I can't..." He said

"No. Somewhere. Let me know where." I said as begin to be irritated.

"I'll wait for you later in the parking lot." He said.

We went to a private village. He opened up the gate and asked me to come in.

I hesitated.

"I will not do anything to you. I just can't be seen outside." He said.

After work, we went to his house. He asked me if I have eaten and he took out and microwaved something.

We started to eat.

"I didn't know you can cook." I said.

"Oh, no not me... my room mate cooks and I steal it." He chuckled.

"How come you have a roommate? This house feels empty." I said. It is, the furniture doesn't seemed used. There were no shoes lying around. There was echo when we speak.

"This house is mine. But I don't live here. I hate living alone. We're still staying together... the boys I meant. I just go here once in a while." He said as he ate his food.

I ate silently. Looking at him made me think this was a bad idea. We're alone. We've never been alone before that we will not end in fucking.

He must've noticed my uneasiness.

"Don't worry, like I said, I will not try to cheat with you. It's mutual respect." he said smiling at me.

"Did you guys talked." I said.

"No... But you said he gave you my letter so I respect him." He said. "Are you happy? With him?"

"It's fine." There it is again. Being fine. "Do you have plans?" I asked him.

"I did but I'm really resisting the thought right now." He said.

I laughed.

"About Jihun I mean." I said chuckling.

"Oh... yeah. Uhmmm. I could give you support. Like monetary. You must've looked for internship because you wanted to support him while still studying but I could take care of that so you could study." He said.

I didn't answer.

"If you still like to work, it's okay, too... at least I get to see you when I'm there." He looks at me.

"Do you want to visit him?" I asked.

"It's up to you... and Jae. I don't want to interfere. If you both plan to raise him up without me, I'll be fine." He said.

"But what do you want?"

"Does it matter?" He wasn't smiling.

"You're his father. Of course it matters." I said.

"I wanted to turn back time, take care of you, see him the moment he was born and watch him as he learn his first step, his first word. But I can't so does it matter?" He was angry.

I didn't fight back. He have the right to be angry. I never gave him the chance.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." He said as his hands covered his face.

"It's okay. I wanted to tell you but you were gone. I'm sorry you missed all those chances. If you're gonna let Jae and me raised him then it's better for you to not send us anything." I stood up.

"Y/N... I said I'm sorry. I really want to help. I wanted to be a part of his life but I want you to be happy. I remember you told me you hated the fact that you have to live in two houses when your parents split up so I thought... I thought you wanted to raise Jihun alone with Jae."

It hit me. He actually remembered everything we talked about.

"I wanted to be that guy but... guess I'm too late for that now." He said.

"This always bothers me. Can I ask you something... about us." He said looking into my eyes.

"Sure."

"If I left you, right there in the bar. To wait for me get my money. If never had sex, if you just went home. Do you think we'd end up together?" He asked.

"No..." I began to say.

"You really hated me that much?" He squint his eyes.

"No. I mean, you didn't loosen up until we had sex. You probably won't be talking to me. I think I fell in love you because of all our post-sex talk. If it didn't happened. I won't be in love with you. I probably have forgotten about you by now." I chuckled.

"So, you really did loved me..." he said.

"Of course, I wouldn't be mad at you for fucking some other girl if I didn't. I wouldn't have chased you outside if I didn't. I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I thought I had a bright future ahead of me." I said as I pushed the food in my plate.

"Sorry for that. It never occurred to me I might get you pregnant." He said.

"Don't be. Initially it was bad, I mean I wasn't able to get my scholarship, I had to stop for a year. If it didn't happened, my parents and I will still be estranged, I will not have Jihun..." I said.

"... you won't give Jae a chance." He continued.

"Yeah, that too." I said.

"Do you love him?" He asked.

"Does it matter?" I said. Our conversations are starting to get personal. "We'll sort you're schedule with Jihun. I need to go."

"Wait, you can't get taxi in here. It'll be better if you asked Jae to pick you up." He said.

"We're ... he's out of the country." I was about to tell him that we're on trial separation but that would be too inviting.

"I'll drive you home. I need to go back to the dorm anyway."

We got on his car but he didn't start the engine immediately.

"Y/N..." he held my hand. My heart raced.

"I meant what I say. I'm not trying to get out of the responsibility. I mean I would marry you right here right now. But if you want a normal family, the one that you don't have to explain why Jihun have two houses and two family. I would step back" he said.

"Thanks." I told him.

He kissed my cheek and I heard the engine roar.