Growing up,i never really made a lot of friends because of two reasons i never had the courage to say "hi whats up" to anybody because i was scared of being rejected and also i was always shy and we were always moving.
I think probably the time i had the most friends was in 1st-3rd grade,during that time i was a bit more open to everybody and awkwardly i was the teachers pet during those times.
When 4th grade rolled along, we moved again to another school and i felt like an outsider in this place like me walking down an empty hallway. My shyness increased during the first few weeks i didn't talk to anyone during that time and no one talked to me or also didnt give me a welcome and i was always thinking to myself "why doesn't anyone talk to me? Im the new kid" Then i thought "was it me?" i was the tallest kid in my class i was taller than the teacher too and i didn't want the other kids to look at me like some intimidating giant who if you'll look or talked to him you'll be erased from this world.
I tried talking to a couple people most attempts were cringy some let me be friends with them with them but wouldn't talk to me like at lunch or in the halls it to me it seemed like they would only talk to me if i made the first conversation topic. In 5th grade i made a somewhat slight progress but i still wanted everybody to know my name.
In the mid year there was a dance coming and i decided to skip that day because i thought if i stayed i would die of jealousy until the day before the dance i found a little note that said "will you go to the dance with me?" my reaction to it was me being scared about me talking to a girl and soon after i shyly and awkwardly asked most girls who wrote this. Part of me said how this could be a troll (keep in mind this was before i knew what trolling was)
On the day of the dance one of the girls i didn't ask told me she wrote it and asked me if i would go out with her Words couldn't express how i felt during that moment so i nodded my head in excitement (to this day we suddenly stopped talking to each other)
Long story short it was a good dance she introduced me to her friends and took some selfies(before i knew was selfies were)
During my middle school years it was mixed with shyness and confidence buildup but i didn't make the goal i promised myself earlier but it was pretty cool i met some of my old 3rd grade buddies and everything was kinda ok
I loved to be by myself all the time and read manga all the time too
In my freshman year of high school,most of the people i knew moved away but didnt tell me about it sadly
I still think today this will never happen to me for my entire time there
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Thanks for reading this i figured if i talked about it it would make me feel better about it
