My Spy 5: A Southern Girl in Paris

Sad Beautiful Tragic

I didn't sleep more than a couple of hours. I laid awake while tears stained the pillow, wondering what the hell I was going to tell everyone when I arrived back in Hollis tomorrow. Momma will be so disappointed, she'll probably tell me I should have given Bash and Singapore a chance. That it was the perfect opportunity for him to prove himself to me. But if I stayed another week here and fell even deeper and he did mess up in Singapore, then what? Ryan said I forgive too easily so would I just forgive Bash? And give him another chance? Give Willa and this lifestyle another chance?

My heart hasn't seemed to be here since I arrived. When I left Hollis, I was convinced Bash was the one but since Paris, I felt like we've never gotten back on track. I've felt off and Bash seems distant. I haven't wanted to sleep with him once and that should have told me how I was truly feeling. I think as soon as I saw him snorting powder up his nose with two women hanging all over him in a bathroom, I was done. I wasn't able to fully forgive him. That and he only sometimes seems to be by my side out here. I don't know what to call his father and his mother is Scarlett Hemming on steroids. I'd never be able to be myself around her, I'd never be comfortable living as one big happy family here with them and Willa. After we marry, I don't think we'd get to boot them which means we are all a jolly bunch until...someone dies? I can't fathom that. I can't picture myself enjoying it here as much as I thought I would. It was great when it was all hypothetical in my head but the reality is like a slap to the face. 

Even with all the wealth and all the opportunity that comes with Sebastian Crawford, I don't think I could be happy here with him. If he had come with me back to Hollis we could have been happy. We'd have found our way back. There are just too many strings attached to him here and he acts like a different person around his "mates." And maybe I should be fighting back, see Willa as a challenge and rise to the occasion but my heart isn't in it.

I watched the sunrise from the window next to the wardrobe and I tried to remember every detail. One day this place will seem like a dream, a week spent in a twisted fairy tale. I push myself out of bed and get ready for the day. My stomach is sour by the time I make it to the breakfast table and Ava is already there going over details for the party.

"Sawyer darling, I had wondered if you were alright. You seemed to retire early last night?" She asks me worriedly and I am surprised she noticed.

"Yes, I think just all the traveling I have been doing caught up to me. I didn't feel well after dinner," I tell her and some of that is the truth. She is about to respond when Willa comes bolting into the dining room and she looks at me ready for a fight. Angrily she snaps, "Who do you think you are? Thinking you have the authority to fire Rose!"

"Pardon?" Ava calmly asks and Bash comes flying in behind her. Willa looks to Bash and then back to Ava, "Sawyer here told Sebastian that Rose went through her things. Ridiculous! And now she's told Sebastian to fire her."

I put my hands up and quickly reply, "I never told him to do that."

"Did Rose go through your things?" Ava asks me and I glance to Willa before replying, "I believe she did, yes."

"Preposterous!" Willa cries out but Bash comes closer and calmly says, "I don't want untrustworthy maids roaming around up there."

"She is trustworthy!" Willa snaps and then looks to Ava, "Please Aunt, don't let him fire Rose because his girlfriend likes to make up stories." The only way to prove I wasn't lying is to bring up the stolen letter and I can't do that. If Willa brings up the letter, then it proves Rose was in my luggage so she can't bring it up now either. I smile to myself before I look to Bash, "If Rose agrees to stick to Willa's room there is no reason for you to fire her is there?"

Bash glares at Willa and sternly says, "Keep her to your side of the house, Willa." She glowers at me and then stalks off back down the hallway. I'm really on her shit list now but she can't bring up the letter so I don't care. I have to get through twelve more hours then I am out of here.