My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

Chapter 7 - What If I Disappeared?

Star's P.O.V
It's been a week since my worst anxiety attack, and now every anxiety attack I have is worse than the other. Even though I know that Marco would help me through every anxiety attack, I've been hiding the fact that my attacks have gotten worse. I hate seeing Marco worried so I told him that my attacks are getting better. During class when I get an attack I just shut my eyes and fight through it. No one notices that inside I'm freaking out, they just see me outside, calm and together.

You're such a selfish person when you show how pathetic you are. Marco doesn't even like you, he's helping just to tell people how pathetic you are.

Marco actually cares! He isn't like everyone else!

Who would actually care about you? You're a freak, like everyone says.

I am a freak but...Marco cares. I don't know why he cares but he does.

Anxiety kicks in, fast breathing, shaking, and blurry eyes. For some reason I'm letting my attack slip out.

You seriously are a pathetic and idiotic person. Do you really think Marco cares about you even a little bit!? Marco is like everyone else, he is realistic, people like you don't belong.

Before another word can slip in my head I cry. Thankfully, Marco isn't in this class, he doesn't have to worry about me. I didn't realize how bad I was crying. Everyone was looking at my tear stained and red face, confused as to why I was crying. My head was looking down at my desk, not daring to look at the people staring at me, they probably think I'm crazy!

"Star, are you okay? Do you need to go out in the hallway?" Mr. Campton looks at me worriedly. I slowly nod and walk out into the hallway. My back leans against the lockers and I slide down. Loud sobs were heard from me and my head was in my hands. It was silent in the halls, besides my sobbing, until I heard a door open and close. Panicked, I stop crying and hope no one saw me crying, of course someone saw me.

"You're just so pathetic, you know that?" I heard an all too familiar voice approach me.

"Go away Tom." Of course I couldn't stop him from bothering me but I hate him so much, I just wanted him to leave me alone.

"And miss you crying because of your awful life, no way. Now, why are you crying? Your boyfriend break up with you? Someone hurt you? Oh wait no, it was another one of your freak outbursts right?" Tom's every word sent fire in my veins but as soon as that came, it went and I felt like crying.

"Just leave me alone." I say with tears in my eyes.

"Just one thing, say you're a freak. Say that none of this anxiety is real, you're only doing it so you can gain attention." Tom smirks down at me and it takes everything in me to not punch him.

"I'm a freak, yes, but I'm not doing this for attention!" I yell while standing up, trying to stand my ground.

"So why are you doing it? Is it because you're dying? You like someone but are too afraid to say it? Or...you're sad because you're mother died and you're step-mom hates you?" I snap before he can say another word.

"IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE ANXIETY! None of this IS FAKE! It's all REAL!!" I was shaking and breathing hard. Tom looked at me with a little fear before laughing like this was all a show.

"You really are a freak! Look at you shaking and breathing fast and screaming." Tom speaks with such hatred.

"Go to hell. Tom." I say bitterly before turning around and walking away only to be stopped by his hand gripping my wrist. I wince from the pain but I didn't let him see.

"I think you should go to hell, not me." Toms hand that was gripping my wrist gets tighter and I try to hold back the tears. I struggled to escape his grip but it almost impossible.

"Let me go!" I yell but give up on trying to escape.

"You know, it's funny because you think that Marco and Janna want you alive. Well wake up Star, no one wants you alive! No one cares about you!" It felt like something had ripped my heart out and stomped on it a million times. I didn't care if he wanted me alive or not but Marco and Janna, they're the only people I have. A tear ran down my face.

"Okay...you're right. I am a freak and I'm only doing this for attention," Although this wasn't true I just wanted him to leave me alone. "Got what you wanted?"

"I know you're only saying that to get me to leave you alone. Not gonna work." He shoves me to the ground and I hit it hard. My head hurt and I could feel blood coming down. I couldn't get up but I needed to, I had to stand back up!

"Now you're even more pathetic." He says before laughing and walking away.

"TOM! Get back here." Another voice was heard, it sounded familiar but I could barely see anything.

"Oh hey Marco. Nice of you to join us." Tom's voice seemed fuzzy, wait MARCO!? What is he doing? Tom could seriously hurt him and that's the least of what I want to happen.

"Shut up," I could barely hear a fist connecting with someone's jaw. "Now stay away from Star!" Marco yelled with pure hatred in his voice.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god. Star, your head is bleeding. We need to get you to a nurse now." Marco started running. I tried to stay awake but everything was going black and soon..I fell asleep.

Marcos P.O.V
I was worried sick about Star. The nurse said it wasn't horrible but she might be asleep for a little bit after she cleans the blood. Thankfully she didn't have to get stitches. I swear if Tom ever hurts her again, he might be a dead man.

"Ma-arco?" A voice was heard beside me and I knew right away that it was Star.

"Star, oh thank god you're awake." Some tears fell down my face and I wiped them away.

"My head hurts terribly." She said while rubbing her forehead.

"Sorry, it'll probably hurt for a little while." I grab her hand and rub it. Holding her hand makes her feel safe, and that's all I want.

"Marco, can I ask you something?" She asks looking at me with seriousness.

"Yeah, sure. What is it?" I ask, a little scared of what she was going to ask.

"What if I disappeared?" Her question had struck me, what did she mean? She wouldn't...no, I can't loose her.

"I would probably cry forever because I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you," I say looking into Stars deep ocean blue eyes, "because you make me feel safe and you're my best friend."

"Why do you care so much about me?" Star asks with tears in her eyes, I knew where this was coming from, all because of Tom!

"Look Star, whatever anyone says to you, ignore them. They don't matter, okay? I will help you through everything because I l-" I almost let the words slip but it was way too soon, "because I can't loose you, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Marco. You make me feel safe too." She slightly smiles which makes me smile. No smile could ever make me happy like hers.

"Also, if you disappeared, I wouldn't have anyone's hand to hold." I say, looking down at our intertwined hands.

"Like I said, your hand makes me feel safe." Star blushes a bit with a bigger smile. I didn't ever want to let go of her hand. It wasn't just a hand to hold, it made me feel almost...invincible. Being with Star makes me feel safe and happier. If she ever disappeared, my happiness would be gone.