My Anxiety Is Silent (STARCO)

Slipped Away

Before you read...this chapter is seriously super sad and I'm warning you that you might need tissues!!! I cried throughout writing this but this happens...love you guys!!

Janna's P.O.V
I'm going to be honest, my life pretty much sucks. The only reason that I'm alive is because of Star and Marco. They're the only people that like me for me. Believe it or not, my mom and dad pay more attention to Star now that she's adopted by us.

My parents barely pay attention to me, everyone bullies me at school, and I've been through hell and back. Some days I just want to give up and slip away. I may seem tough but that doesn't last forever. Basically everyone bullies but to be specific it's Jackie, Brittany, Tom, and Oskar. For whatever reason, they hate me to the core. I thought that moving to a different school would stop me from cutting but it didn't. There are multiple scars from me cutting and no one notices.

The reason that I am so nice to people is because I want to help those who are going through what I'm going through. Star and Marco go through a lot and I want to help them. Even though I seem fine, in the inside I am pretty broken. Why don't tell anyone? Because no one needs to deal with my big mess of problems. No matter how much I wish someone could understand my problems, no one would.

"Hey Janna!" Star Butterfly, she goes through crap but somehow she smiles and picks herself up. What I would give to be like her...

"Hey Star, how's your day going?" I put on a smile but secretly am wishing to finish the day and go home.

"Good, just wishing for the last three periods to finish faster." She smiles and I laugh a bit, another fake thing I've done.

"Well, see you later." I walk away quickly so that she doesn't ask about how I'm acting a bit weird. My feet were quick, heading to the bathroom. Once I entered, I walked up to the sink and looked in the mirror at myself. My vision started to get fuzzy and I knew that I was about to have a panic attack. That's right, I have panic attacks almost every day too.

"Oh look, it's Janna the psychopath!" My head snaps up at the sound of Jackie's voice. Why, of all times, is she in here?

"Shut up, Jackie!" She was standing behind me so I turn to look at her with fake threatening eyes.

"Woah struck a nerve," She did that stupid giggle of hers, "You know, I would totally smash your head against the mirror if I didn't get in trouble for it."

"Right, because you're Ms. I'm so perfect." The words were spitting out of my mouth, I couldn't take them back and I honestly don't care. I started walking out but she grabbed my wrist which caused me to wince from the cuts on my arm. Her eyes widened before she started to lift up my sleeve, I reached for her hand but it was too late. She saw the cuts and started laughing.

"Wow, you really are a psychopath! Wait until I tell Tom!" Jackie runs out the bathroom and suddenly the bell rings. Crap, I'm late for class! I rush out of the bathroom and scatter to my next class.

The next three periods were full of stares from Jackie, Tom, Brittany, and Oskar. I knew why they were looking at me, they know about my scars. They're probably thinking In crazy but I'm human and they're the crazy ones! I'm afraid, what if they spread that I cut myself. Will everyone find out? That will be just another reason for them to hate me! And now, I feel like crying non stop.

"Janna Ordonia...please step right up and show everybody your true craziness." My heart stopped as I heard Ton speak behind me. I already knew where this was going. Just when I thought the day was over and I could go home.

"What do you want Tom?" I asked, turning around to face him. He was beside Jackie and they both were staring at me like they're about to kill me.

"You know what we're talking about." Jackie snaps at me and then shouts for everyone to stop where they are. All eyes were set on me now.

"If you won't do it, I'll just do it myse-" I cut Tom off by pulling up both my sleeves to reveal all my scars. Tears were streaming down my face and everyone was staring at me in shock. I couldn't take it anymore and screamed at all the people.

"This is because of you guys! You all have pushed me to the point of breaking me and you don't even care. You only care about yourself, you're all full of venom and poison just to pick on people and push them around! You should all be ashamed of yourselves but you never will be because you're all...y-you're all stupid a-and blind." I walked off to see that Marco and Star both were staring at me full of shock and sadness. I was crying hard now, no way of stopping the tears. Without letting anyone speak, I stormed out the school and to where I was going to slip away...forever.

After walking for a bit I finally arrived at my destination. There was some wind which dried the tears that were quickly running down my face. I know this is what is supposed to happen to me but it still terrifies me. My feet slowly approached the bridge, a few cars passed by me as I got up on the ledge and looked down at the water below me. No one cared to stop and try to get me off the edge until a voice called out my name. I turned to see Star behind me with some tears on her face. She had a pleading look on her face.

"Janna, please...get off of there and come here." Her voice was clearly telling that she was scared, scared of me dying.

"Star...my anxiety is silent! I've never told anyone about my anxiety and I just need to do this." Star walked closer to me, there were barely any cars passing us now.

"Wait, you have anxiety like me? Why didn't you tell me, I would've helped you!" Star reached her hand out but I shook my head.

"I was already too far gone the moment you met me!" I nearly screamed at Star so that she would understand that there's no stopping me.

"Janna, please, don't do this. Come down and I will help you, I promise." I almost let her words bring my hand out and take her outstretched arm.

"This was meant to happen to me so just let it happen," I slowly backed away from her, "You're amazing Star, remember that." With those last words I pushed myself off the ledge and felt the wind blow across my face. My eyes screwed shut, waiting for the water to hit me and surround me in darkness. My breath stopped as my body splashed in the freezing water. I tried breathing and then soon everything faded away. I know what I did will hurt some people but I hope they forgive me. Goodbye world.