The Good and the Bad

It Was Addicting

I always assumed it was how it was in books. One falls, one doesn't, they get hurt and date. Simple, yet complicated. I never understood love for some reason.

I always thought finding the love of your life was impossible. That having a perfect life, was impossible. That being happy was impossible. It was all fake in books and movies. Never real. That connection was built through a script and a career. Two things that don't make a relationship.

Thinking about that now seems terrifying and still impossible. What if you d find that person. They are it for you. No one is better than that one person. They make you happy and laugh and feel a certain way when they are around. But they know you so well that they can rip you apart so easily. They can tear you down. Make you feel like nothing. Make you think you weren't enough. That you're not enough. So you both end up hurt. You both wish you could go back and change what had happened. To go back and make things....okay.

I remember when my parents split up. I always thought they were so happy. That they were like Cinderella and prince charming. That they were together forever. That was until my father, who was and still is my idol, told me he was moving. He made sure that I knew it wasn't my fault. That he just didn't love mom the way he used to. That's when I finally knew that,

Love?

Was impossible.

***

"We need to talk." He says.

I look up from tucking Reece in for bed. She's been a handful these past few days. A delight, but a handful. She finally decided to fall asleep after crying for a while.

I meet his eyes and place a finger over my lips and point to Reece who's eyes twitch a little from the noise and light spilling into the room. I follow him out the door and close the door tight. I walk downstairs with him behind me.

"What do you want to talk about?" I wonder, because let's be honest, we haven't talked in days.

"That argument in the hallway the other day? Yeah, that seems to have the burning desire to be solved" he says shoving his hands in his pockets and  leaning against the counter.

"No kidding." I mutter.

"Gorgeous." He whispers moving closer to me and cornering me into the counter. He towers over to me, his eyes hooded along with his other darkened features. "I'm sorry."

My eye flick up from the floor to meet his. Still blazing. Still blue. And I'm still falling into them. I can see the sincerity in his eyes. The pain. The forgiveness. Why can't he always open up like this?

"Are you?" I ask, my voice cracking.

"Of course I am." He says like its completely insane of me not to believe him.

"See, Damien, that's where I don't believe you." I say annoyed with the fact that he thinks I should believe him. "You think everything and everyone is disposable. Well that's where you're wrong. I m not someone you can just care for when you want and then toss aside when you get bored. People aren't disposable, Damien. You need to get that through your thick skull."

"I know that, Bronx. I know. I just ... I can't open up the way you want me to all the time. I have a past and obviously you do too. Were both not completely proud of it. Hell, I might have to marry you in a few months, Bronx. We need to fix this somehow and some way." He says with the pain flashing over his face but fading just as quickly.

"No you obviously don't know Damien!" I raise my voice. "You continue to do it without even knowing. It bothers me to a whole other level. You don't care either."