The Good and the Bad

The Awkward Stage

"What do I even wear?" I ask looking through my closet.

"Well you still love him," Aspen says looking at the ceiling as she throws a ball in the air. "So, something flirty, but you don't want him to know so something innocent."

"As, I don't want to look hot for Damien." I tell her rolling my eyes.

"Yes you do. I still don't understand why you are obviously leading Alex on." She retorts.

"I'm not leading him on!" I exclaim and all Aspen does is laugh. "I love Alex and I would never do such a thing to him."

"I know you wouldn't do it intentionally. As for unintentionally, I think you would." She tells me. Quickly she sits up to meet my eyes. "You need to look at it this way, B. You saved his life. You fell in love with him. You changed him. You made him the person he is today. You made him care. You made him fall in love. You both love each other and anyone who knew you two years ago would confirm that claim."

"But I love Alexander." I protest.

"And I'm not saying you don't. I'm saying your heart belongs to someone else. Not Alex." She says holding up her hands in defense. "So fro ahead and marry him. Go ahead and live a lie. But when something goes wrong don't think that I didn't say something."

With that she leaves the room.

Aspen gets to me when she talks like that. And not in a normal way, its in like an annoying way. Like yeah she's right buuuuuuut I want to be right too.

I ignoire my wandering thoughts and try to just focus on my outfit. A black dress is reasonable right? I take the black skater dress out of my closet along with black flip flops and put it on. I pull my hair into a ponytail pulling small strands out to frame my tan skin. I only put on mascara not finding the need in anything else. I check my phone to see the time and realize I'm so late.

I rush downstairs and bid a quick goodbye and rush outside. I get into the car and drive to the name of the restaurant Famine gave me. Once I get there I realize this is where we came fro Francis's birthday last year. I get out and walk inside.

"Hi miss," a lady says dressed in a servers outfit.

"Hi I'm here for Damien." I say. "It might be under Hunters."

She scans over and iPad until she finds the name. She looks up at smiles. "Follow me."

I follow her quick steps weaving through circular tables with couples dinning at them. We keep walking until we reach a small rectangular table with Damien on one side.

"Here you go miss, enjoy." She tells me before winking at Damien and walking off.

I look at Damien awkwardly. Its still so weird. I sit across from him shifting uncomfortably in my place. "Hi."

"Hey. How are you?" He asks. "More like how have you been. I really just want to know everything."

"Where should I even start?" I ask as a rhetorical question. "Well around the time you died I didn't leave the house for weeks. I kept up with my assignments and stuff so I didn't fail, but leaving meant seeing every reminder possible of you. I couldn't handle that. So when I was announced Valedictorian, I knew I needed to get it together but I wasn't all there. I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't eat. You leaving tore me up. So I used to dance at the studio until 12 or one. Until this one night. A week from graduation, Mrs Blackwell caught me dancing and she asked me why I was there so late. I told her how much I missed you and she told me we all miss the ones we love. That it's a part of life. That you were important to you. I mean you still are. But I was upset. I never said goodbye. I just went off on you and said I hated you. Next thing you know you were dead. She said you were an amazing person to me. That I had my reasons to be upset with you. When I tried she asked me again and I said yes. So she told me not to beat myself up. That you're always here. Not to be sad because you were still there."

"Then graduation came arpund. If it wants for Aspen, I wouldn't have showed up that day. I was going to give some super formal speech about the fake story on you bled out and died. That None of us had a chance to at goodbye. Most of them lived in fear of you. But none of them saw the side I saw. The side I believe you were. You weren't bad. You were good. They were all so quick to judge the exterior before knowing what you had inside of you. I told them how I was the only one there for you. Only where were you? Because you weren't there for me." I brush it off and continue. "I remember coming home with Johnny and Aspen from the Grad party at someone's house. I was so drunk. I could barely walk. I was kind of clueless that you were dead and I asked where you were. It was just a mess. I started crying. Graduation sucked."

"Then Aspen and I refused to go to Juliard. Because we were supposed to go with you. So we moved our scholarships to University of Texas and went with Francis and Vanessa. We bought that house and fought over where to put a couch and everything else in there." I smile. "It was fun. I signed Reece up for Preschool because she was three or four grades ahead of herself curriculum wise. We signed up for our classes and went to a party that weekend. That's when we met our friends Dee and Kate. Dee had her nose in a book at a party. Kate was somewhere with some guy. When she finally found her best friend alone with some strangers she started talking. Then we all started hanging out and talking about buying a bigger house for all of our boyfriends and us to move into. I met Alex that night too but didn't start dating him for two or three weeks. Reece would talk about you sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. She'd ask me if I missed you. I said more than life itself." He smiles now.

"That's really it. I mean I have a job at Giorgio's down the street as a waitress with Aspen and a bartender. I'm studying to be a doctor. I hate med school but whatever. I'm engaged. I'm getting married in two months. And that's it."

"I've missed you." Is all he says when I finish my explanation

"I did too." I admit looking down.

"I'm sorry for what I did. I've been here for all this time. I didn't know where else to go." He says with a shrug.

"Why did you write me that book?" I ask.

"What book?" He asks confused.

I made sure to bring it. I take it put and slide it across the table. He looks at it confused before picking it up and flipping through it. "How did you get this?" He asks alarmed.

"Your dad?" I half say half ask. "He cane over and gave it to me. I read it all."

"You weren't supposed to see it." He mumbles sliding it back to me.

"Why not?"

"Because..." He sighs. "I don't know. It was like a goodbye to you. An easier way to let go and move on."

"I meant it when I said I wanted you and not prince charming. I really did " I tell him and smile tightly.

"I know. I just didn't believe it."

I shrug. "You should have."