Uncontrollable || Dazai Osamu » book 1 ✓

01 | Game of Survival

Emotions.

They are merely futile feelings.

What can emotions do?

Destroy. Destroy you and people around you.

At least, that is her definition of emotions. 'Silent killers', that's what she called them. They should be locked away. Yes, away. Away, so that none can hurt her no more. The result? A soulless person remains. That's what she became.

To seem normal to everyone, she wears a facade of her past self. A facade which she wore really well. She was no longer the true rebellious and inquisitive girl she once used to be. No traces or even a spark of a 13-year-old who was so full of life ever since the traumatic incident that had threatened to change her life, haunting her and gnawing away her will to live.

— — — — —

"(Y/n)! Stop talking back! Have some respect! Your father and I worked so hard every day to raise you and this how you treat your parents? Go back to your room this instant!" Mother spoke sharply.

"You never understood me! I'm tired of your stupid nagging!" A frustrated 13-year-old girl erupted. "You and father! You two always think you're are the only ones suffering! How about me? Can't you see my pain? Obviously not! That's why I hate you two! Just go die! The both of you!"
(pls don't ever say this to your parents)

"How... How dare you! Just wait till your father ge-"

Suddenly, blinding red flashes of lights surrounded her mother's body. Mother's eyes grew wide. She choked out crimson liquid which splattered sickeningly onto the floor and some got onto (y/n)'s face.

"Y-you demon..." Were her mother's last words.

She watched, horror evident on her visage as Mother became limp and fell onto the stone cold marble floor. Deep red pooled around her cold body as Mother laid still in her own blood. She took a step back, then another, before pushing open the door and running out of the house.

She was horrified and confused, unable to fathom the bizarre situation. All she knew was that her mother was killed, before her very eyes. It could be by a sniper or something else. She ran. As far as she could, not looking back. She wanted to hide. She wanted cover. So she ran and ran, wherever her legs took her. Soon, she found herself in a secluded area; the dank slums of a city, Yokohama.

— — — — —

All this led to the state she's in now — homeless and poor. She's been in this state for years. Fighting for survival, she had resorted to stealing and hiding to stay alive. She became a skilled thief and a swift runner.

Her so-called hiding place changed every few days. Not that anyone was chasing after her or anything. Or at least she thought so. No one knew that she's a thief. Just some miserable girl on the streets. She always planned her actions carefully before moving so no one would notice her. Her speed was a bonus. Changing hiding places was to prevent herself from getting too used to the place or developing an attachment to it.

Thus, she went about Yokohama, staying in the dark areas of the city. This was helpful to her though. Staying in the back streets had her memorise the routes consisting of twist and turns which might come in handy if a time comes when she needed to escape.

Today, she was on the move again. Brisk walking, she searched for another suitable place to stay. She came across many slums and alleys that could be suitable for staying but she wanted to find one that wasn't too near nor too far from the last place she stayed in.

She passed by an alley quite near some warehouses. It was rather welcoming. The alley wasn't as dark as the others yet it provided enough shelter. It's a deserted place where people don't usually pass by by accident.

(Here.)

Was the thought that crossed her mind. She settled herself on the floor of the alley and rolled out a tatty and thin blanket that was her makeshift futon. She couldn't steal a futon. That was just plain stupid. Anyone would be able to spot her carrying one even with thoughtful planning and speed.

She got up to her feet and started to venture around her new 'home'. Maybe the warehouses she saw earlier stored something useful.

(There might be something I could steal.)

She looked at the warehouses, she could see some people in black suits patrolling the area. They're armed with machine guns. She hesitated. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go against armed people. They looked intimidating.

Still, she contemplated. There might be a chance that she could get in without them knowing.

(Even if the chances are relatively low, it might be worth the risk if there's anything useful in the warehouses, right?)
(I just have to fight the people and grab their weapons if they saw me.)

Driven by determination, she snuck out of the alley and ran towards the direction of the warehouses. With deft steps, she padded surreptitiously, ducking behind pillars and walls, moving in the shadows. She was able to avoid three armed men patrolling near the area. She crept up along the side of the warehouse. So far, everything was going well.

(A little further...)
(I just have to reach the entrance...)

"Stop right there!"

†

Thank you for picking Uncontrollable,
I hope my writing isn't too atrocious.
But don't expect too much from this story.

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