Uncontrollable || Dazai Osamu » book 1 ✓

09 | Broken Facade

"Ugh... Where am I?" She mumbled as she sat up, not before giving a small yelp of pain.

"Right. I forgot. I'm still drugged."

She looked up and took in her surrounding. She was in a small room with tatami flooring. There was only a window and she could see the setting sun descending in a reddish-orange hue outside.

"It's evening already," She stared at the sky through the window. The warm glow from the setting sun shone down on her face. She wore a faraway look on her visage.

A knock from somewhere caught her attention and she turned her head to the door.

"Come in," She shouted, loud enough so that the person on the other side could hear her. The door slid open effortlessly and a brunette walked in.

"Oh. You're awake."

"Um... Duh?"

Both of them fell silent.

"Er... Where am I?" She asked, trying to smooth out the awkwardness.

"My house."

Her eyes bulged. HIS house?

"And why's that?"

"You slept at here last night too, if you didn't know."

Her mind reeled. She was here yesterday too? Then...!

"You didn't do anything to me, did you?!" She wrapped her arms protectively around her body, not caring if her actions pained her.

"No, no. Calm down. I only injected the drug into you. Nothing more," Dazai shook his head.

"Really?"

"Really. Kunikida-kun will skin me alive if I were to lay a finger on you," He laughed nervously.

She eyed him suspiciously.

(Can I trust him?)

Dazai sat cross-legged next to her. "Is there anything you need? I can get it for you."

"No thanks."

She laid back down on the futon, her arm resting on her forehead. She stared blankly at the ceiling. It was silent again.

"Say, Dazai. On the day I first saw you, why did you ask me whether I wanted to join you in a double suicide?" She continued staring at the ceiling.

"My wish is to commit suicide with a beautiful woman like yourself."

"...Okay," She sweatdropped.

"But why suicide? There're so many people out there who needs you. You have a duty to protect this city... Unlike me..." Her lips quivered.

"Why, indeed..." Dazai looked away. He thought about his dead friend, Odasaku. The person who had reached closest to his heart.

"Dazai?" She mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"What's the meaning of life?" She looked at him.

"I often question myself the same thing. I don't know yet," Dazai chuckled.

"Then... What's the reason for my existence?"

Dazai froze and widened his eyes momentarily. He looked straight into her eyes. Her eyes looked dead. Like two dark, bottomless pits of nothingness. The little light that she always held in her eyes had long since burnt out.

"What?"

"Just answer me. You know of my ability. Why am I still living? Am I allowed to be alive? Why is someone who is a threat to humanity, such as I, is still standing on the same earth as everyone? I should be dead. I shouldn't even exist in the first place..."