Uncontrollable || Dazai Osamu » book 1 ✓

10 | Sweet Freedom

A few days passed, almost a week since the call and things weren't looking any brighter.

"Let me help."

"No."

"Why?!"

"In that state, how can you even help?"

She felt awful. The Agency was being attacked and she's stuck in the company's residence with Dazai.

"Who are the attackers?" She asked.

"The Black Lizards," Dazai replied nonchalantly. "We've dealt with them before. No problem."

Dazai was confident.

(Can the Agency really handle the Black Lizards?)

"When will the drug wear out?" She asked instead.

"Hm, tomorrow? Or maybe the day after? You have to ask Yosano-sensei."

"The Agency will definitely be destroyed by then," She mumbled.

She had grown quite close to the brunette ever since she had accidentally shown him her true colours. But she was glad someone was willing to listen to her talk about her tragic life.

She was supportive of the Agency, since she was under their care and protection, but was still loyal to the Mafia as they took her in. Mostly because her 'family' were members of the Mafia.

She was able to move a little more freely but nonetheless, it was still quite painful. Taking a bath was a hassle, so she had to rely on dry shampoo instead. She even ordered Dazai to buy her some new clothes, refusing to wear any of his, whether they were new or not.

She laid down on the futon. Seriously, she could become one with it. She spent most of the day lying there, but occasionally she will get up to go to the toilet or something else.

"Gah, give me something to do. Even life in the slums was much more interesting than this," She grumbled.

"How about a double suicide?"

"Anything but that."

"Listen to my experiences of suicide then!"

She sweatdropped. This guy's all about suicide. She pitied whoever was working with him.

"Fine. Better than doing the actual thing."

"So, on my first suicide attempt, I...blah blah blah."

She was listening alright. Totally listening. She had lost all interest before he even opened his mouth.

"...But I wasn't able to commit suicide this week because I'm looking after you." He ended off.

He looked at (y/n). She had a closed-eyed, pressed lip smile on her visage. "Dazai, if you love suicide that much, why don't you go marry it?"

"Oh, that's a good idea!"

(Honestly, so stupid.)

He totally can't hear the sarcasm in her words. She sat up and strangled him, shaking back and forth.

"Can. You. Find. Something. Else. To. Do. Other. Than. Suicide?" She let go of him.

"Hey. You..." Dazai gasped for breath.

"What?"

Then it struck her. Her muscles no longer hurt. She jumped up to her feet and stretched. "Finally!"

"The drug wore off faster than expected." Dazai scratched his head just as (y/n) catapulted out off the room.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dazai got up and ran after her.

"I'm going to take a bath. Get out unless you want a smack," She stuck her tongue out and shut the toilet door in his face.

The hot water soothed her tense muscles and she slid further into the water. She sighed in relief. She grabbed the nearest hair shampoo bottle she could reach and look at its label. 'For men' it says. Her face scrunched up in distaste. Men's shampoo. Dazai's shampoo.

(Well, beggars can't be choosers.)

She either use it or leave it and stay filthy. She decided to use it. Massaging her scalp, her thoughts drifted to Chuya and Akutagawa back in Port Mafia.

"I wonder if they are doing well," She mumbled.

After bathing, she drained the water in the tub, watching the suds swirl down the drain. She really shouldn't take baths for granted. It was surprising how fast she'd gotten used to things that were once luxuries to her.

She grabbed her towel and dried herself. Slipping on her Mafia clothing which Dazai was kind enough to wash for her, she dumped the dirty clothing in the laundry basket. She made a mental note to herself to wash them tomorrow and stepped out of the toilet.

Dazai was fast asleep on the couch. The book 'Complete Guide to Suicide' left opened on his face. She chuckled and covered a blanket over him. Tiptoeing so as to not wake him up, she walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" She froze on the spot. Dazai was behind her. Raising her hand up in surrender, she smiled meekly.

"You're not going anywhere young lady."

"You sound like my dead mother," She rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. I'll stay here, I promise."

She sat down on the tatami floor with Dazai in front of her. It was dusk and she was ravenous. Dazai bought omurice, which she gobbled up in an instant.

"For such a small person, you sure eat fast," Dazai watched her in amusement as she stuffed her mouth with rice.

"I'm not small. It's you who's big. I'm not Chuya you know," She deadpanned. "And I'm starving. If you're not gonna eat your food, I'm gonna take it."

— — — — —

"I'll wash the dishes. You've helped me too much these past few days," She said and picked up both bowls when they finished eating.

She headed towards the sink and cleaned the bowls and chopsticks before putting them in the cabinet. Dazai shrugged and picked up his book, occasionally glancing up at (y/n).

"Can we go to the Agency tomorrow?" She said when she came back and plopped down on the couch beside Dazai.

"Why?"

"To give my thanks for helping me so far," She grinned. "But are you sure Mori-san... Ehem, I mean Boss, is really using me?"

"Positive."

She looked downcast.

(Have I been playing in the hands of Mori-san all this time?)

She can't be too sure yet. She needed to ask him directly. Stupid as it was, she needed to be sure.

"Is that book that fascinating?" She directed her attention somewhere else, trying to get her mind off about her boss.

"Oh, yes. It's a masterpiece. It has every suicide method one can ever imagine."

She snatched the book away from his hands. "Oh yeah? Let me see."

She flipped through the pages of the book. "Wrist cutting, jumping off a bridge or building, drowning, carbon monoxide inhalation, hanging... Are you fucking seriously reading this shit?!"
( please don't attempt )

She threw the book back at him and stood up. "I'm gonna go to bed. Night."

"So early?"

"I don't fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow y'know," She trudged into the room and closed the door.

Dazai looked at the door blankly for a moment before chucking to himself.

"Maybe I should get some rest too," Dazai shut his book and stretched. "Gah, I don't want to go back to work."

When he passed her room, he looked at the closed door and smiled. "Night."

†

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