The Trouble With

Chapter 3

Chapter 3.......the flurry beneath

Looking about the doctors office I couldn't believe the situation I had landed myself into. I mean I had no one else to blame except myself. At 37 years of age I knew exactly risk I was taking that night. I didn't obviously care but I knew all the same. Still I kept trying to convince myself that the pregnancy test was wrong. In reality I knew it wasn't but until the words fell from the doctors mouth it wasn't official. There was still a glimmer of hope. Squirming on the table my frustration was rising. Where was the doctor? I couldn't stand being stuck in this room any longer with my own thoughts.

Finally Dr. Rubben opened the door. His usual reassuring smile on his face. "Hello Dee how are you today?" Glancing at my cast he raised his eyebrows. "Well what do we have here?"

"I slipped and fell in the shower a few weeks ago." I felt so stupid and highly uncomfortable about the conversation we were about to have.

Grabbing a felt pen he began to sign the cast, "So what can I do for you today?"

"I think I need a pregnancy test. Actually no I know I need a pregnancy test." Slowly he lifted his eyes to mine and sat back in his chair grabbing my file.

After a quick glance at it he finally spoke. "We have it on record that you had your tubes tied 12 years ago after the birth of your last child. What makes you think you need a test?"

For crying out loud I felt like I was talking to my father who I had just disappointed not my family doctor. "I can't remember the last time I had my period. Possibly nearly two months ago. I've been throwing up and my boobs are sore. I'm constantly tired like my last pregnancy. That and I took a home pregnancy test."

"Did you have unprotected sex in the past while?" Yep there was the dreaded question.

"I don't know....maybe" All I could do was stare at my hands in shame.

Reaching over he wrote my name on a specimen cup and handed it to me. After showing me where the bathroom was and where to leave the cup Dr. Rubben said he would meet me back in the room. After doing what the doctor had asked I returned to my room of torture to wait and wait.

When he finally returned he rolled his black chair right in front of me before he spoke. "We'll Dee you are defiantly pregnant. From the hormone levels I would say your just past the two month mark."

There it was...concrete proof. My heart sank and tears pricked at my eyes. My consequence slapping me in the face.

Reaching forward Dr. Ruben took my hand in his. "I know you are aware of your options. There is no judgment here I just want to know how you would like to handle this?"

I was truly and deeply ashamed of what I was going to say. So ashamed in fact I couldn't say the words. Each time I tried to say the words I could feel the bile in my throat. I was a horrible and selfish bitch.

"You would like to terminate the pregnancy?" I was such a coward all I could do was nod. "I'm going to schedule you in with the pregnancy advisory clinic on 153 Ave. for an ultra sound. I have a few concerns. We need to make sure this isn't a tubal pregnancy since you've previously had your tubes tied. We also need to determine how far along you are. The latest you can terminate for non medical reasons is three months. I'll give you a few minutes and when you are ready just ask Denise for you appointment card before you leave."

Dr. Rubben stood and gave my shoulder a squeeze "I know this is something you are struggling with. Considering the list of complications listed in your file after the birth of Regan this is probably your best decision. I do however want you to think about it and make sure it's what you want. This type of procedure is very expensive and usually only covered under medical plans if it's deemed a medical necessity. Can you talk to the father and see if he will help cover some of the cost?"