The Trouble With

Chapter 22

Chapter 22.........In The Light Of Day

The cold light of day could bring many things to ones attention. For me it brought a slap to the face more or less. Things between Will and I had settled into a polite existence with an invisible wall between us. I had thought things had changed and something had started between us. Some where along the way I had fallen for him and thought the events of that night meant he had as well. Or at least was starting to. Like I said a slap to the face.

It's been a few weeks since that nights memory has been ingrained in my heart broken mind. Will still comes home, helps the girls if they need it and attends the pregnancy classes. He's not outright hostile any longer but there is a indifference towards me. Almost as if he is there in body only.

So I've taken his silent hint and began to look for apartments. With each passing day and each place I view the sadness and longing inside me grows. Sometime I wish this was over and Will was gone. That way at least in time the hurt would stop and I could move on. It's nights like this that are the hardest. Were both at home and while I watching tv Wills up in his office working. Every once in a while he comes downstairs but other than a forced smile he says nothing. All I want to do is jump in his arms and beg him to take me back. I won't of course, I do have some level of pride.

Today the stress and pressure seemed to be at an all time peak. I had gone for an ultra sound the other day and within hours the doctors office had called Will wanting to set up an appointment as soon as possible. Together we sit in the doctors office waiting, looking at anything else bit each other.

Finally, thankfully Dr Hamilton appeared with his arms loaded up with stuffed teddy bears. "Sorry I'm late I was just collecting the last of the donations for the children's ward. How are you guys today."

"Good," we said at the same time.

"Ok so I imagine you two have lots of questions so let's get started." Dr. Hamilton said as he sat at his desk swinging around to collect my file. "Now the last ultra sound estimates that baby number one is about three and a half pounds and baby number two nearly four pounds. I know that sounds small and for a regular birth it is. For twins this is about average. Their lungs have developed to the point that with assistance they will function. Now unfortunately the ultra sound did show that the placentas have become intertwined and baby number one is beginning to suffer as is suggested by the weight difference between the two. I believe our best choice forward here is a cesarian section."

"How long have the cords been tangled?" Will finally spoke breaking the silence.

"It's impossible to say really. It could have happened at any point since the last ultra sound."

Will leaned forward cradling his face in his hands. Taking a deep breath he looked up squarely into the doctors eyes, "You mentioned the difference in weight but what other issues could we now be looking at?"

"Improper development, brain damage, death, and a whole host of other issues. Will I would like you to remember these are the worst case implications. I believe we have caught this early and none of this should be an issue providing we act on what we know." Dr Hamilton got up from behind his desk and walked around the impersonal barrier of his desk.

"How soon?" Will asked sounding much calmer than I felt.

"I will have my office call down to the O.R and find the first available space. If need be I'll switch my schedule around but I think it's extremely important we do this as soon as possible." Dr Hamilton reached forward putting his hand on my shoulder. "Dee are you ok?"

I sat there trying not to cry, throw up, freak out or one of the hundred other things I so desperately wanted to do. It was as if the rug had been ripped out from underneath me. "Ya I'm fine it's just a lot to take in all at once. I think I just need to go home and lay down."

With a gentle squeeze of his hand Dr. Hamilton looked at Will and smiled , "I trust you will take good care of her and we will be in touch as soon as possible with a date and time."

Will reached over taking my hands in his as he pulled me from the chair and handed me my coat. On auto pilot I fallowed Will as if there was an invisible leash connecting us. Dr Hamilton was a man of his word as we were just pulling up to the penthouse when Wills phone rang.

"Tomorrow at two is the operation but they want you to be there by noon so they can prep you and everything." Will explained in a cold stand offish tone as he hung up his phone.

I nodded in acknowledgment as I got out and headed to the elevators. As the doors closed Will looked down at me and sighed, "We should tell the girls what's going on tomorrow as soon as they get home from school."

I wanted to yell at Will. Even to go so far as to punch him. How could he be so calm and emotionless after what was just sprung on us. While I was panicked and worried Will was about as concerned as a slug. Even later as I listened to him talk to the girls about what was going on he just sounded so matter of fact. By the time I went to bed I was pissed right off at how unemotional and detached Will was. I don't know what I expected exactly but at least something.....anything.

The next morning blurred by in a rushed fog and before I was ready it was it was time to go. Taking a big gulp of air I grabbed my bag, said a silent prayer and went to go find Will. I was just walking past Wills office as he was coming out. I tried to think of something to say but when I couldn't I just stood there looking at him. Silently Will reached out pulling me into the comfort of his arms.

"The Land Rover is waiting out front. You should say good bye to the girls so were not late." Will said as he ran his hand up and down my back in a soothing motion.

It was very slobbering leaving the girls with Elisa as they were coming later after the surgery. I felt myself trembling slightly as we rode the elevator down and got in the vehicle. As we drove closer and closer to the hospital I felt my throat close off and my stomach begin to summer salt. My heart raced and I felt as if I couldn't breath. Actual drops of sweat began to form a sheen all over my body. When I looked over at Will he looked as nonchalant as if he was driving to the grocery store. I use to admire his ability to stay calm and in control. Today I hated him for it.

When we got to the hospital Will signed us in and a nurse took us up to the maternity ward. Once there I had to fill out a few more wavers and forms. I changed into my hospital gown, they shaved me and prepped me for surgery. An OR nurse appeared with some orderlies and next thing I knew I was being wheeled down to the OR leaving Will standing in the room. It was dizzying watching all the ceiling lights flicker past as I was moved quickly down several hallways and into an elevator.

The OR was massive and full of equipment and monitors of every type. In a blink of an eye I was lifted from the gurney onto the hard steel of the operating table. I couldn't believe all the staff that were in the room. There had to be at least fifteen people. Thankfully from within the crowd Dr Hamilton's friendly face appeared. After introducing me to the paediatrician they placed a mask over my face and Dr Hamilton told me to count backwards from ten. Slowly the edges of my world went fuzzy fading to black.