Dark Lust

Chapter Thirteen

I was nervous as I waited for the guys - except Mike - to come over. They all agreed they would in a little bit, when they left Mike's, each claiming in their own way how horrible they felt about how things went earlier. They didn't want bad blood between us. I was waiting in the den of my house, still not able to bring myself to look in the basement. I simply sat on my couch and lost myself in deep thought over what the guys would have to say about everything that happened.

I felt myself craving drugs again. I didn't want to go back to hard drugs like Mike was pushing me onto, so to try and soothe the cravings, I decided I might as well hunt down some weed to take the edge off. It wasn't too hard to find someone near me and I managed to pick up and go to the nearest tobacco shop to get a grinder and blue raspberry wraps. Once I came back home, I pulled up the table in front of my couch in the den and grabbed a knife to split open the cigar. Emptying the tobacco, grinding up the bud, then beginning to roll a blunt.

I hadn't smoked a blunt to myself since I was getting crossfaded with weed and alcohol. Unsure how my tolerance would take it, I decided to not drink and just smoke the blunt. I decided to smoke inside, not caring if the others smelt it. It was only weed after all. 

I was smoking on my couch, the house filling with pot smoke. I was halfway through it when the doorbell sounded and I sighed deeply to myself, rising off the couch, and heading towards the door. I hesitated, then opened the door to reveal four people I once thought of as family. I stepped aside to let them in, taking a puff off my blunt.

"Give me some," Brad insisted in a soft voice, gently taking it from my hand and taking a drag, holding in the smoke for a few seconds, then letting it go. I stared at him in disbelief. "You're not the only one who needs a little something for the edge, Chaz."

"Got anything to drink?" Phoenix pipped up and I nodded, gesturing my head towards the kitchen. He quickly went and came back with a bottle of UV, five glasses, and a bowl of ice. He set the items down on the table I used to roll my blunt, which was being passed from Brad to Rob. 

I wasn't sure what to say. They all seemed to be distraught, but for what reason? Were they lying earlier while we were with Mike? Were they just as scared of him as I was? I took my spot on the couch, being joined by Joe and Phoenix, as Brad and Rob sat on the oversized chair beside us. Rob passed the blunt back to me and I took a long drag.

"So what's going on?" I asked after I exhaled the smoke, watching as Phoenix distributed glasses of alcohol with light ice in each. I graciously accepted mine, though I hadn't wanted to drink earlier. 

"Chester, we're really sorry about what happened earlier, you just need to hear us out," Brad apologized upright and explained. I slowly nodded, letting him continue. "Mike's not crazy, he's not any different now than he's ever been, he's the same Mike."

"But-" I tried.

"Chester, listen," He intervened and I quickly shut my mouth. "He loved you, he always loved you, since the beginning. When Mike and I were young, he was as crazy as he's acting now, but he changed when he met you. He always needed to control something and you were something he felt he controlled, until he realized you were better now."

"He was talking with us before it all happened," Rob took over, speaking softly. "He was saying how you didn't need him anymore, how you were fixed now, and how guilty he felt that he wished you were still broken so you would need him again."

"We weren't sure what to say," Brad sighed, taking the blunt from me. "So we just told him that you'd need him again sometime, that you'd need him once something happened, because life is just that way - something always happens."

"He said he couldn't wait that long, that he needed you to need him now and that the loss of control was starting to drive him insane. He broke down, he started crying, he apologized. We asked for what and he just said we'll know when it happens and that he can't control himself," Rob said, taking the blunt from Brad. "He said that when it happens, we need to stay together because what he'll do will bring you back to him and he'll stop feeling crazy again."

"What am I supposed to do about that? So I'm just supposed to keep going on, live a lie, pretend like nothing ever happened? What if he lashes out at me again? Am I supposed to just roll over and let it happen?" I felt tears in my eyes out of frustration, downing my glass of UV and taking the blunt from Rob.

"No, just convince him that you need him. That's all he wants," Joe spoke up for the first time and began rubbing my back soothingly as he saw the tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Chester, this isn't fair."

"No, no it's fucking not. Are you sure he doesn't want more from me?" I asked, glancing between Brad and Rob who seemed to know the most about Mike's state of mind.

"I'm pretty sure that's all he wants. As long as you play along with the game, you'll survive it," Brad promised. He drank the rest of his drink and I passed him the blunt. I glanced around to see everyone else had already finished their drinks and Phoenix was taking notice as well, going for the bottle to refill our glasses. 

"Okay," I murmured softly, caving into the madness. "But please don't leave me tonight, I want to stay here, at home, but I don't think I could be here by myself."

"It's okay, Chaz, we'll stay, get plastered and baked, it'll be great," Rob promised, taking the blunt from Brad with a small smile. "We're here for you, you're our brother."

"I love you guys, thank you for not being the sacks of shits I thought you were being," I laughed lightly and accepted a hug from Joe.