Second Life: A Second Chance

Ich M'abandonne (III)

I wake up, feeling a bit woozy from what had happened prior to my nap. I soon begin remembering what I had done before I slept. I immediately glance at my arms! My wrists! Oh dear. I nearly forgot about the double marking on my wrists, an "X" on each arm that I had scratched in. I must have marked myself using the knife I found, knowing well that I could not possibly ever be capable of killing myself accurately. Even still, I knew something had to be done or else I would continuously be bothered by my conscious. I had to mark myself, I just had to. Right then and there, I get a flashback, a horrendous one at that.

I am waking up alarmed one night during Training. I recall rising up from the bed and panting loudly, but not loudly enough to wake any male sleeping in the bunk beds close to mine. I sit up on the bed I was resting my body on, appearing nervous and afraid from what I had just witnessed. I immediately look at the open window across from the bed I am on. The night sky is clear, with light from the moon shining directly at me. I stare inside the light of the moon as it shines on me, filling me with dread almost instantly. The chill of the night does not help either, having its stinging wave of air pass throughout the room, making me more scarred by the nightmare. I look around the beds nearby, observing and noticing how asleep every male is in the entire room, feeling nothing short but a void beginning to overpower my insides as well as overtake the atmosphere of the moonlit room.

Staring back into the moonlight, I think to myself quietly. I thought the nightmares would end once I got here but they came back, and in much stronger force of all things. I touch my forehead. I begin to shiver beside the thought of the contents of my nightmare ever coming to life. I recall what happened in my dream that turned it into a nightmare. I was being taken advantage of by Kevin in a red walled room low lit room. I remember being thrown onto the floor by his forceful hands before being wrapped in cold and heavy metal chains. Both legs of mine were tied to a long and thick wooden pole using the remainder of the chains. I remember laying there, waiting, waiting to be forced into subservience in order to appease his sick nightmarish wishes. He touched my head gently during my awake from slumber, kissing my lips and grabbing several quick appearing objects from the left side of the room. The objects he grabbed turned out to be nothing but wooden sticks he would use to shove inside my mouth alongside the tool of disgust he calls a penis inside me. Typically, I would enjoy such acts (not involving the sticks) to a lesser and much more, consensual degree, but Kevin is not the type of male who would engage in such love-making. No, regardless of what mood either of us were in, he would end up suffocating me with his distorted view of love-making, mistreating me in a horrible and degrading, humiliating manner. In the nightmare, all I did was scream and scream for him to stop, but he would merely continue on, smiling and laughing at me while I looked away, in an effort to avoid catching a glance at his sick face. He would smile often throughout my nightmare as he moved on to more torturous acts, eventually stabbing my skin with both his hands, shoving knives wherever he felt like, one specifically directed at my legs, immediately penetrating before severing both of them off, pulling on whatever was left of my body. I remember feeling vividly the pull of him tearing and ripping out my right leg, and I felt it to the bone nonetheless. All I could do in the nightmare situation was stay completely still among tears and screams of pain as the monstrous dream version of him would start maiming me in ways unthinkable to the human mind.

Soon enough, toward the end of all the horrid dream torture I had endured by his hands. I was left there, unchained but full of pain and numbness with blood running down from everywhere all around me. I was left there to die by him, with ligaments and organs scattered all around my body in a wet and sticky circular puddle made up of my own blood. I recalled how strong the desire to die was within me. Everything hurt by that point, especially my lower pelvis, as Kevin had severed off the entire attachment of skin that allowed me to make love to David. Such a sad thing it is to dream of your assailant taking control of your life, but my mind could not help it. Kevin was allowed again to invade my safe space of inclusion, while I remained victim to his disgusting nature, and at an unexpected time of all things. Training was good for me except for that one night. I just wish, I wish, I had never dreamed of that horrifying nightmare. It was going great in Training until I had that dream, where before I was able to show up Kevin and prove to him from time to time that I was better and best at Training exercises than he would ever be. Sadly however, no matter how hard I tried to beat him, I was unable to escape the mental acts of terror he unleashed within my dreams. All good things have a price. I only wish I had learned that fact as soon as I started to one up my assaulter.