Dear Brother

20. Brotherly Hate

Dale really didn't know what to think anymore. He just didn't understand this boy at all. He was alright with doing maths homework in the park, or drawing what came into his head, or cutting himself, but he couldn't go to a party and listen to music and dance?

Dale just couldn't get his head over it.

He had half dragged, half supported Iyden as they walked back to his house in the dark, dodging drunks vomiting in the street or hookers calling out for them. Dale felt disgusted as he blushed- they'd be at Iyden's house soon, he reminded himself.

**

"Where THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

Haydrian's screaming vocals entered Iyden's head like a bull doser, obnoxious and hurtful. He'd swore- Haydrian had sworn at him. He staggered, still feeling the panic flood through him, into the kitchen (Dale creeping awkwardly behind him) and leant on the table, hands on the wood, turning white with pressure.

"I..I went...I went to a party-"

"YOU IDIOT!"

Dale flinched at Haydrian's voice, strong and almost monsterous. Angry, oh, he was definately angry. Fatherly angry. No, older-brother-angry. Shit, they were in trouble.

"You...you absolute idiot. You know you can't deal with the noise or the people....How...HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF?!"

Iyden shrunk back from the table and leant on the wall, feeling a coat peg dig into his back. Calming, the pain.

Pain and the shouting.

"I..I don't Haydrian...I....I c-came home because I s-started to-"

"Panic! You started to PANIC, YOU DOUCHE BAG. IDIOT! UTTER IDIOT!" Haydrian roared, pushing his hair off his bright red face. He was pacing around the small kitchen, ignoring Dale completely, who was standing by the door feeling utterly useless. "You've tried so hard to be normal, WE'VE tried so hard, buddy....how can you just go out and do that?!"

Iyden shook his head, feeling tears rise up. He didn't know why he'd done it, he thought Haydrian would be angry but he hadn't known he'd be this angry.

"I'm..I'm s-sorry, Haydrian..."

"If it's of any help, we got out pretty quickly." Dale said calmly, "No one noticed he freaked out."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THE ROOM!" Haydrian screamed, pointing to the living room and Dale scurried in there, shutting the door behind him. Haydrian rounded on his cowering brother. "Stupid...so fucking STUPID!" He wiped his face, feeling the anger slip away as he looked at Iyden, pale and stiff, plastered against the wall.

"Hay-Haydri-"

"NO!" Haydrian swallowed, feeling a little sick. "Hush buddy. I...I'm sorry..." Haydrian opened his arms and gathered his brother in a tight hug. He felt so fragile and small under his clothes. "It's okay...you need to get out, do more normal things...I...I was so worried about you, and my fear just turned into anger when you came home..." Haydrian wasn't to explain, but he felt as though he was failing. "I'm sorry. You can't help it if you panicked. You can't stop it....oh, buddy, I'm sorry...." Haydrian blubbered as Iyden started to cry, and he sniffed and gently ruffled his brother's black hair.

"C-can I go to bed now?" Iyden asked timidly through his weak tears, clasping his hands around his own torso and squeezing hard, digging his finders into the skin. The peachy colour of his flesh turned an angry, blotchy red and then white with hard pressure. Haydrian pushed his fingers under his brothers hands and made him let go.

"You'll leave marks, buddy." he whispered, almost absently. "You can go to bed, sure...take your meds, though." he said quickly, going to the draw by the sink and unwrapped Iyden's meds, which were in a plastic bag. He popped them out of the wrapper and handed them to Iyden carefully.

"Thanks." his brother said faintly, and went upstairs to bed, forgetting about Dale.

**

Haydrian went into the living room where Dale was standing awkwardly by the fireplace, back to the door.

"Right, listen to me." Haydrian said strongly, folding his arms. He was half a head taller than Dale at least; though Dale was much stokier, Haydrian's leaness and tall frame made him seem much more intimidating. Dale had turned around when Haydrian entered the room, his face ashen.

"Whoa mate, you're not gonna tell me off-" he started, hands raised in the air.

"I am not your mate." Haydrian hissed, and Dale took a step back. "Listen to me, and listen to me good, okay? I swear to God, if you think it's funny to exploit my brother, you are going to have issues walking when I'm through with you-"

"No, please," Dale began. "I'm not trying to hurt him. I honestly like him!"

Haydrian raised his eyebrows and leaned back a little.

"Sure on that?" he almost laughed. "He's a weird kid. I want him to have friends, but the right friends. Get it?"

"I get it." Dale huffed, annoyed that Haydrian assumed he 'wasn't the right type of friend'.

"But...stay friends with him." Haydrian ordered, watching Dale as he shuffled in his place a little. "I mean it. If you like him, he'll be a decent friend."

"I know," Dale said. "I already know he's a good friend." He wanted to get out of the house so he could think properly. He needed an excuse...or maybe he didn't. "I'll see you later, Haydrian."

And as fast as he could, Dale went out of the house, slightly scared of Iyden's older brother.