Sanity || j.d

36

I glanced over at Josh before heading into the bathroom. This wasn’t the first time this had happened (one of us staying the night and then unexpectedly leaving) so by no means was it awkward, but I felt bad for leaving him in such a vulnerable position. He was lying on his side, one arm outstretched for where I had been the previous night and his hair all strewn in different directions.

I showered and began to dress in the bathroom and it was then that I realised that I didn’t have a top. My hair was drying out into its unruly curls when I decided that I’d have to go in in only jeans and a bra, back to my room.

I opened my dressed and began to riffle through my tops trying to find something decent to wear. “Morning sexy.” I looked over at him resting on his elbows looking across at me. Normally he was a restless waker, but apparently not this morning.

“Sleep well?” I asked picking out a top and throwing the rest back into the drawer. Standing quickly, keeping my eyes on him as I did so, I went to pull the top over my head.

“Don’t.” His voice was low and demanding in a taunting way.

I opened my mouth to interject, but was standing before I had the chance. Too afraid to speak at all, I waited until he was directly in front of me, my voice barely raising above a whisper. “Why shouldn’t...”

He gulped, obviously not used to having such control. “Finish what you were going to say.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” I asked shyly.

“Because you look better without it on.” He answered cheekily.

Instead of saying anything back, I let my eyes roam across him. He was toned, not overly in a disgusting kind of way. It was something that I’d always admired in a weird best friend way. He liked to keep fit and he enjoyed working out, sadly I didn’t have the same interests.

“You like being controlling, don’t you?” I decided that I was going to be a tease about it at least.

He kept his eyes on me the whole time. “I suppose so.”

I smirked and took a step closer so that I was right up in his face. “And you really like me?” I whispered so that he’d have to hang off each word.

“Sarah.” He groaned, lightly caressing my hips, pulling me even closer so that I was right against him.

“What?” I asked innocently, knowing that he was like putty in my hands.

“Don’t do this.” He uttered.

“What do you want me to do then?” I questioned. I was beginning to enjoy this interrogation  a little.

His breath was jagged and irregular, but nothing had even happened. It was quite amazing the affect I had on him. “Be mine.”

I shook my head slowly, tauntingly. “We both know that can’t happen. I have Cole with me at the moment and-”

“Shut up.” He stated looking at me pointedly. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Have you ever thought about how I feel during this whole game of tug of war?”

“N-” He drew me close, cutting me off and kissing me. His hands ran up and down my back holding me against him. His lips moved down to my neck as he moved us around the room, walking me backwards.

When my knees hit the edge of the bed I fell onto my back, him holding himself up over me with one hand either side of my head. “I didn’t think so.” He whispered.

“It’s not a tug of war.” I spoke up.

“Then what is it?” He asked, not making a move to get off me.

“Us.” Wrapping my hands around his neck, I pulled him down kissing him hard. His hands moved up the sides of my chest and then to my shoulders, playing with the straps of my bra.

“Why is it us?” He asked as he pushed me away, rolling to the side, moving his hands to my hair and pushing a curl of my face. “Why couldn’t it be a game? That way at least one of us could win.” He noted.

I rolled into his embrace and kissed him again. “But then someone loses, that wouldn’t be much fun.” I teased.

“What are you implying?” He growled.

“That this is an insane game of love and lust.” I shrugged.

“But don’t we help each other’s sanity? With the love and lust of sorts.” He questioned.

“I can sense the love, but the lust seems to be lacking.” I teased.

He frowned a moment, thinking. “Well, I can certainly fix that; I can fix you.”

I laughed. “I’d like to see you try. You can’t fix something that’s not broken though.”

“We’re all a little broken, in our own ways.” He pulled me close and lightly kissed me forehead.

I don’t love him. I can’t love him. That wouldn’t be fair on either of us. No matter the consequences.