Sanity || j.d

46

“Well,” by this stage he’d got off the bed and was pacing up and down the length of his room. “You and Cole...” I nodded to him encouragingly, in order for him to continue. “Aren’t... together. Are you?” He choked out.

It really pained me to see him this way.

Slowly, I shook my head and began to get up, to try and stop him from pacing, it was concerning. “Josh, we aren’t.” I held up my hands, grabbing his arms so that he would stop. He looked worse than did when I was sleep deprived; he probably hadn’t slept in days.

He let out a deep breath, of relief as it may seem. “That’s good.” He mumbled, suddenly anxious more than slow and tantalising. “Because, I’ve been meaning to tell you, about that thing.” He had no idea what he was talking about. I knew him that well enough to know that he need to get himself together before he said something regretful.

“Tell me what?” I asked carefully, as I sat him down.

His eyebrows knitted together thoughtfully, but worryingly too. “That you and me should be together. Not Cole and you.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Josh, are you hearing yourself? It just wouldn’t work for us. We’ve discussed this.”

He shook his head. “How would you know? We haven’t talked about this. Just.. just... think about me for once.”

I shut my eyes, trying to imagine this as a dream, that I would wake up any moment now and it wouldn’t be like this: right here; right now. It’d be the next day and Josh wouldn’t be jealous. 

“I think about you everyday.”

“But not like that.” His voice was realising, alive; not sleep deprived.

“I’m sorry Josh.” I began apologising, even though I knew it was a hopeless case.

“No you’re not. I’m sorry I kept chasing a lost cause.” I could her the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t even look at him.

“Oh, but I am sorry. I’m sorry for breaking your heart.”

“The pleasure’s all mine.” He grinned and I couldn’t believe it. 

How could he be so happy in a moment of such devastation?