To Love A God.

Promises

I tell Tony the bad news the two weeks later. He explains it will be okay. That he is going to do some research and he will fix me. I love this man, but sometimes he drives me insane with how he always is so collective, and positive he can fix me.

I have been hiding inside my house for weeks. I couldn't keep hiding from Tony any longer, so I agreed to see him.  Loki is happy I have crawled out of bed. Loki has made a breakfast for us. I eat some fruit, and suddenly feel sick. I run to the trash and vomit. Loki holds my hair back. Thankfully no blood. I let out a small cry. "Thanks," I whisper. I go to the bathroom, and brush my teeth. Shut the door and lightly sob. I just feel so different. I feel like I'm missing a lot of time. Like I lost a piece of my memory. And I'm beginning to get nervous the sickness has spread to the brain.

I walk out of the room and without saying a word to the boys I retreat to my room. I close the door, and curl up under the sheets. I close my eyes, and just pray for it to all end. I hear Tony and Loki murmuring outside my room, they walk away and I hear the front door shut. Loki's footsteps make their way back to our room. I hear him sigh heavily before he opens the door. He comes in and crawls in the bed in front of me.  He crawls under the blanket, "Hi beautiful," he pushes my hair out of my face.

I just stare at him, he looks so peaceful and calm. I know I look like a total wreck, I wonder how he holds it all together like that. However he does, I applaud him. "I feel like i'm losing it."

"What do you mean love?"

"I just feel like i lost something, something really really important," I feel the tears slip from my head, and then I kinda let out a crazy laugh, "I mean i'm sure i just probably lost my mind."

"Oh baby," Loki pulls me in close and holds me, "Shhhh shhh. It's okay," he hushes and cradles me as I cry hard now.

"No it's not."

He sighs again, "It will be. I promise."

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Make promises to situations you have no control."

"Alice."

"No Loki. I could die, ok. Any day. I can die you have no control in it," I can hear the panic and anger raise in my voice.

"Alice."

"So stop. Just-" 

"Alice!" He says firmly. He grabs my face and makes me look at him. His blue eyes suddenly look so beyond exhausted. He somehow seems paler than normal. My God is looking like a normal grief stricken common man. "I promise, It will get better. I would never let you die, I will turn every planet upside down looking for a way to cure you, I would die for you before you died." He pulls the blankets off of us. "Do you understand?" I nod. "Good. Now I won't let you sit in here and vanish from the world this depressingly. We are going out. Lets go."

I whine, "Loki no please," I quickly stop the whine when I see Loki's face grow sharp. He lifts me from the bed and begins to take off my shirt, I pull away quickly. "No. I can undress myself." 

Loki looks shocked. And then he seems to slowly understand. He looks pained, "I think you look beautiful no matter what Alice. You haven't let me look at you in weeks."

"I don't want you to see me like this." I weakly reply.

"Alice, do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." 

"Good them undress with me here now."

I look at him baffled as he sits on our bed, and watches me. "Loki, i'm in no mood to put on a show for you." I roll my eyes and go walk out of the room. He grabs my arm and pulls me in so close.

"We're falling apart Alice. Before you could care less if I saw you naked. You let me dress you. Fuck it, you don't even let me look at you fully clothed!" You can tell he is fed up, and completely irritated with me. "The other day you made me turn away when you slept. What is that Alice?!" 

"Stop yelling at me!" I get so mad at him. He has no idea how hard this is for me. 

"Stop pushing me away! Let me in! Come back to me! Stop shutting yourself down!"

"No."

"No? No what?"

"I don't want you here right now," I almost hiss at him trying to pull away from his grip.

He looks pained, and he lets me go. "Fine, when you want me here, you call me." And he disappears in a green light.

I throw myself on my bed and cry violently. I just want it all to end.