Giving In

Chapter 4

Kay melted in Jackson's arms. Part of her wanted to stay in his arms, and the other part of her wanted to run. She understood what Jackson was trying to tell her. She knew that he also had a past and had done things that he regretted. She just didn't know if she could allow him to love her. He only knew a small portion of what she did and what she had been through. Would he still understand her pain once he knew everything about her? Would he still want to be with her? Did she really deserve happiness after everything she had done?

Once Kay was able to get her tears to stop, she pulled back from Jackson's hold. She saw that he had tears in his eyes as well, but he quickly tried to blink them away. She sat up straighter and tried to back herself up so that they were not touching. For some reason, whenever Jackson was touching her, she seemed to lose control of her thoughts and her emotions. She needed to put space between them to be able to think clearly.

"There is still a lot you don't know about me, Jackson. Things that I have done that I am sure that you could never understand or forgive. I am broken, and you don't deserve someone like me." She said quickly as she stood to walk away from him.

"Please Kay; please don't walk away from me. We are adults, and we should be able to have a conversation where we put things out in the open so that we can make decisions about what we want." Jackson pleaded with her.

Kay looked at him in the eyes, but still decided that she needed to put some space between them. She walked into her bedroom and locked the door. She sunk into her bed and allowed herself to cry. She cried for the things she had done, and cried for the future she so badly wanted, but wasn't allowing herself to have. She was sure that if she allowed herself to fall for Jackson, one of them would end up getting hurt. As badly as she wanted to settle down and have a family, she did not want anyone getting hurt. She also didn't think she deserved to have children after giving away her first born. How would he feel if he found her some day and discovered that she gave him away but then had more kids, like he didn't matter enough?

Jackson sat in the lounge area of the basement for about a half hour waiting to see if Kay would come back out. When she didn't, he got up and made his way upstairs. James was sitting on the couch holding his little AJ, and Lillie was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Jackson walked into the kitchen and hugged his sister-in-law tight.

"I told her Lil. I told her about Deanna, told her about the things I did. She still rejected me." Jackson took a deep breath. The pain in his eyes was evident for Lillie to see. "Thank you for trying to help. I think it's time to step back and just accept her answer."

"Sorry sweetie, I had no idea. Just give her some space and some time. Maybe she will come around." Lillie didn't know what was going on with her best friend, but she planned to find out soon.

Jackson went into the living room and sat down in the recliner. He allowed himself to look around his brother's house. He saw family photos on the walls, and more than anything, he saw the love that lived there. This house was a house full of love and family. All Jackson wanted was a life filled with love and family. He was thankful that he had his brother, his sister, and his mom, but he wanted that special someone to go home to at the end of a long, hard day. He wanted children of his own to hold, love, teach, and spoil. He was starting to think he would never have that.

James saw that his brother looked wore out. He knew that Jackson was having a really hard time with Kay rejecting him, and he was still having a really tough time with their father's death. James had to do something, but he didn't know just what to do. He would have to talk to Lillie later and plan something to cheer his brother up. He hated seeing him like this. Jackson was Jamie's best friend, and he knew that it was his responsibility to cheer him up.

"Here Bro, take AJ for me. She needs some snuggle time with her uncle, and I need to go jump in the shower." He stood, handing his daughter over to Jackson.

Jackson sat holding Avariella for quite a while, allowing his mind to wander to Kay. He wouldn't give up so easily, though the rational part of his brain told him that he probably should. He was still sitting there thinking about her when he saw Kay come up from the basement. Jackson thought his jaw was going to hit the floor when he saw her. She was wearing a pair of hip hugging boot cut jeans, a red spaghetti strap tank top, and black high heel sandals. Her makeup was done perfectly, and her hair was flowing past her shoulders. He had never seen anyone look so beautiful.

Kay hadn't seen Jackson sitting with the baby in the living room. She thought that the coast was clear and that he had left. She needed to get out of the house and take her mind of him, and off of work. Kay walked into the kitchen where her best friend was still cleaning up from supper. She leaned against the counter as she grabbed a glass and filled it with water, drinking down half of it before speaking.

"Thank God he left. I couldn't stay cooped up any longer. I am going to go down to Dexter's and have a few drinks to take my mind off this whole mess that I call my life." She said, letting out a huge sigh.

"Um, Kay; Jackson is still sitting in the living room." Lillie whispered softly.

"Shit! I am so out of here!" Kay replied loudly, showing annoyance in her voice. She quickly walked to the door and let it slam on her way out.

Lillie made her way into the living room, and as soon as she saw Jackson, she noticed the pain in his eyes. She sat on the arm of the chair that he was sitting in, and leaned in to hug him. She sat in silence for a moment, and then took her daughter from his arms.

"I'm sorry Jackson. I don't know what's going on with her." She whispered. "I am going to go change her and lay her down. If you need anything, just let me know."

Once Lillie walked away, Jackson found his way to the liquor cabinet and mixed himself a strong drink. Before he put everything away, he quickly took three shots of tequila. As he was finishing his first drink, James joined him in the living room. Without saying a word to his brother, Jackson went back and made himself another drink.

"Jackson, is that a good idea?" James asked him, knowing that his brother had a very small limit for alcohol before it made him alternate between being sad and being mean. Jackson had quit drinking for quite a while because of how easily he could become dependent on it.

"Drop it, James. I don't need you to me my sponsor; I need you to be my brother and my friend." Jackson snapped.

"Fine, but you're not driving home tonight. You are going to stay here because I am not going to let you drink and drive." James said firmly before walking down the hall to check on his wife and daughter. He really didn't feel like dealing with his brother when he was drinking.

"Lilly Pad, my brother is out there getting wasted. He is staying here tonight, but I don't know how well that will go over once Kay gets back."

"Well babe, Seth hasn't been staying here lately, so hopefully before she gets home, we can tuck him into Seth's room without her knowing he is here." She knew how Kay was after she had a few drinks, and she knew that having Jackson there wasn't a great idea. Life with a newborn was hectic enough, having to deal with two drunk, irrational people was going to be a nightmare.