Forgot to Remember

Wednesday / Thursday

His mobile phone rang constantly. He switched it to silent mode - end of problem. Dec didn't want to talk to anyone. He was on his way back to the bedroom after visiting the bathroom when the door bell rang. He first thought of ignoring it but the constant buzzing got to him. He finally opened it and found himself face to face with Stephen.
"Hi there!" Stephen said with one of his smirks.
"Stephen please go away." Dec almost begged.
"So you and Anty boy are still at each other's throats. How sad." Stephen said making a mock weepy face. Dec slammed the door in the man's face. He turned to head back to the bedroom when the door bell started buzzing again. He yanked it open and found Stephen still standing on the very same spot.
"Come on darling we have business to do."
"Why don't you and your business take a hike to hell with all my compliments!?!"
"Hey, that's no way to talk to the man who is going to make your show a hit." Stephen said his cool façade finally showing a crack.
"Stephen, I won't do any shows again. Not in the next time anyway. So there isn't going to be any 'business' to do."
"It was your boyfriend's idea wasn't it?" Stephen said drawing his own stupid conclusions making Dec feel like knocking the man's lights out.
"Can't you see he is detrimental to your career? Dump him as soon as you can baby." Stephen advised him. Declan reined in his rising anger and strong wish to inflict bodily harm on the man. Instead he said as calmly as possible.
"For your information stopping presenting for now is completely my idea. And Ant has already dumped me. So there you go. Now could you please just leave? I'll call you when I return to presenting. If I ever do."
Realising that him coming to more success through Dec's fame is now impossible, Stephen quickly left without any further adieu. Dec watched him leave with a sigh of relief and a whimper of realisation that this decision came a little too late.

The next morning Dec lay wrapped up in the bedclothes with his head buried in the pillow. It had been 72 hours since he had realised that Ant wouldn't be returning. People came and went at regular intervals. Coaxing him to eat. He had tried everything crying, screaming, begging but they refused to leave him alone. But this time instead of slowly, the door was opened forcefully. Dec just buried himself further into the bed. Then he heard an angry voice, "Declan what is this?"
It was her. Who had called her? He had the sheets yanked off of him and felt himself being bodily picked up by four arms.
"Phew ...you stink." Sarha commented once her and his brother had placed Dec on his feet.
"Man! When was the last time you took a shower?"
*The day my world fell apart* Declan thought ready to collapse back onto the bed.
"Four days ago." Martin chimed in.
"Come on" Sarha said and dragged Dec out of the room and pushed him into the bathroom. He stood there in the middle of the bathroom, wondering why he was there.

"Decky are you done?" Christine's voice asked before she peeked in and saw him standing with a blank look on his face staring into space. He heard her talking to someone. Next thing he knew was his mother undressing him. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his body.
"Mam what the heck are you doing and why are you here?" he demanded as the Anne tugged at his jeans.
"Your brother called. And what do you think I'm doing - Undressing you." She said bluntly as she unbuttoned his jeans and yanked it down then reached for his boxers. He grabbed her hands.
"Dec, it's nothing I haven't seen before."
"But I was a child then." Dec countered in embarrassment
"Declan! You'll always be my child. Now do you want me give you a bath like I used to when you were 3."
"No, I can manage on my own."
Anne let him but refused to leave the bathroom. He closed the shower curtains around him and turned the knob dousing himself in cold water. He shivered, but who gave a damn if the water was hot or cold.
"Now isn't that better," Anne asked as she gently rubbed her son's hair dry.
"Whatever," Dec said dispassionately then he asked just as flatly.
"Now may I go?"
She nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead before letting him get up.

As he entered the hall to head to the bedroom he saw Clare coming out with the bedclothes in her hand.
"What are you doing?" he hissed at the girl.
"They have to be washed Declan."
"Leave them alone and get lost."
"But they're dirty."
"I don't care. Just give me the sheets and leave." He snarled at the girl visibly scaring her. She dumped the sheets and ran out. Dec picked them up and went into the bedroom. This time he made sure the door was locked so that no one would disturb him. He just wanted to be left alone with his memories. He lay quietly for a few minutes when it suddenly occurred to him that he had seen Sarha and Christine.
*Who had called them?* he thought in a panic. Jumping out of bed, he rushed out of the room. He found Anne still sitting on the couch looking through a magazine.
"Was Christine here?" he asked her
"Yes, and she's still here. She and Sarha are in the kitchen."
"Who called them?" Dec asked uncomfortably
"I did." His mother informed him
"Why?" he asked his eyes wild with fear.
"Because they're Ant's family." Anne said as if talking to a child, then she coaxed gently rubbing his shoulder "Go talk to them."
"What am I supposed to say to them, mam? Hi Christine! Guess what? I drove your son to suicide." Dec said sarcastically as tears blinded him again. But he didn't have to go any where because the door opened and in came Christine followed by Sarha. Dec stood stock-still trying to read Christine's face wondering if she would console Dec or condemn him. His boyfriend's mother walked slowly towards him, her shoulder slumped in tiredness and grief marring her features. Dec felt himself being enfolded into the solid frame. So like Ant ...but still so different.

"Christine I'm so sorry," Dec cried, "I'm so, so sorry, I couldn't keep my promise. I didn't take care of him."
Christine pulled away a little so she could look into Declan's face
"Shhhh...shush...it was nobody's fault." Christine said through her own tears wiping Dec's face.
"It was all my fault." Dec insisted, dissolving into gut wrenching sobs. Christine held him close and gently rocked him rubbing a soothing hand on his back. The day passed slowly for all the people in Dec's house. Every one huddled together in their grief but mostly sat together in concern for Dec. They watched him like a hawk. Though his grief hadn't dissipated his guilt had lightened after talking to Christine. Everyone turned to look at him when he came back out into the living room a sheet of paper in his hand.
"I'll give this to Ali. She can put this into a newspaper or something." Dec told them.
"What is it?" Martin asked curiously. In answer Dec handed him the sheet. Reading it he passed it to Christine. She and Sarha read it and passed it to Anne, who handed it back to Dec.

"Dear Viewers
Due to the untimely demise of a family member Ant and Dec productions won't produce any shows for the time being.
By order of
Anthony McPartlin & Declan Donnelly"